Part I- Heck with Iraq . . . Hell in America!- by guest columnist Republican Bob

Hi Folks- I had imagined that the people not reading this column are thinking that I'm negative, angry, long-winded, and not expressing both sides of the argument. So, I have contacted an old acquaintance of mine to see if he would contribute to this week's column- his name is Republican Bob, he's a 20-year-old college student and is studying to be an ethnologist and a politician. Oh, he likes bold type-face.

You've been occupied (in more ways than one): Good morning/afternoon- but actually my name is Robert Occupe* (Janus is one misguided soapbox blowhard). I have been paying very special attention to the events in Iraq- you know, the place where people now think that weapons of mass destruction never were. Last time I looked at a map of Iraq, it was big and maybe someone could hide a few dozen WMD in the sand, in a cave, in an underground bunker- maybe Osama took them to Afghanistan with him so he could enjoy the idea of their potential explosion- like my buddy who enjoys the idea of potentially exploding with the help of any of a number of adult videos that reside in his bucket-o-porn, which is well hidden beneath his bed.

A living hell: So, anywho- Jean Paul Sartre wrote- "Hell is other people." While I think he had Janus in mind preemptively (for Janus is only in his mid 30s), I think the quote should be more like- "Hell can be other people." I think that is what we're finding out in Iraq, with the help of the Baker-Hamilton report. I'm a more good natured, the glass is hall full kind of guy- and still think it was a good idea to author the regime change, and think we should still be there in a more decisive clearly defined role. It is clear that we are in the midst of a civil war we cannot win, for we are not one of the two (or three, or more) factions that stand to lose or gain the most. We do not have the inherent psychic, religious, or philosophical makeup codified in our DNA as they do.

Go or stay: Resolving the Iraq conflict successfully is a pipe dream and it would be easier to take a bone away from a pit bull with lockjaw than it will be to eventually leave from Iraq with the achieved Adlerian goal of a national feeling of self-realization. Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted to go and yet had the feeling that you wanted to stay? This is a paraphrase of a line from some old musical- I just don't know which one. What is the third option? Well, it is more shock and awe- or as the host columnist would say "awe shucks" because he didn't think our initial maneuvers were some of the most successfully engineered attacks in the history of the military.

Looking beyone our own problems: See, these people (the Islamic extremists) are not reasonable, and they think us the same, and it is never going to change. Funny thing is, our telescopic philanthropy** (a phrase the Janus loves- made popular by Charles Dickens) is preventing us from seeing a similar example of civil war unfold right under our very noses. I'd use the "we can't see the forest for the trees" line, but I hate that one. Yeah, we have Mexican, Muslim, Haitain, and Loasian immigrants, among others, flooding into this country. Now, I would gladly take the percentage of them that will learn our American language, pay taxes, respect our cultures without being offended by them (while we respect theirs), and be punished just like everyone else when they commit crimes and exchange all of the gangstas and white trash currently residing comfortably in this country. But I don't have the receipt for the latter (see the Janus' previous column about unwanted gifts). Unfortunately, I can't employ that many hit men/garbage men to do the job. Also, as I've seen what passes for justice in this country turn a blind eye to recidivists- this last qualification is not necessary because I've seen American rapists get less time in prison than someone who has kicked a dog- probably a person who was trying to deal with that lock-jawed pit bull.

Don't be offended: Hell, to be sure, can be other people. There are thousands of immigrants who are and would be productive members of American society- but there are also thousands who are infiltrating our country, not obeying our laws, receiving tax breaks, getting jobs without a national identification card (do we even have that yet) and being offended by easter bunnies in government offices because it is a "religious" symbol. The easter bunny!

Liberals and Conservatives and . . . : Seriously, they are altering the makeup of this country, and we aren't doing a damned thing about it because we are populated by two major factions who are more concerned with each other, and personally, I wouldn't have it any other way- Independents are satellite Americans. We have the traditional liberal democrat who favors extremism in the defense of liberty (liberty for those who should not even be here- illegal immigrants), in other words- the bad guys. And we have those of my sect (according to Janus), the republicans- the paranoid rich who are worried that someone will overtax money they acquired by the sweat of another man's brow- often by an immigrant that is being underpaid for their labor- and those are the good guys. My view, if you come up with an idea and it sells, and you employ people in your company, you are entitled to all you can get and keep- that is capitalism.

My conclusion-
So, the civil war in Iraq, is one giant pitbull, and the bone is the civil war beginning to cast its shadow in our America that we are ignoring right here, though with all of the immigrants coming in we have a giant bucket-o-porn. Hopefully my buddy will forgive me on this one, but he has the right idea- Hell with it! We should not ignore our own bone!

Janus' note- The rich think they are entitled to all of their own money, even though they don't need it, and the government lets them keep it; the poor think they are entitled to everyone else's money, even though they don't work for it, and the government let's them have it. And the immigrants think they are entitled to much more than money- foremost among their entitlements is the idea of their victim status. Republican Bob might be generalizing with the terms such as rich and poor and the space alloted to him, as it is for me, does not allow for fully elaborating on everything. Next time, in Part II- RB will explain more of what is at the heart of the matter by putting on his ethnologist's cap.

*Occupe- means "occupied" in French. Republican Bob is 1/4 French.
**Telescopic Philanthropy is a term used by Dickens to communicate that a lot of attention is paid to, and money spent on, matters very far away from what should be of greater concern.