Originally, I had intended for much of this material to appear in the 39th post, but decided to not deviate from the free market subject for reasons that would bring me no closer to completing my overall task- which is to diligently, conclusively, objectively and thoroughly push back the covers that comfortably conceal middle class woes that even those who suffer from them are unable to identify or effectively communicate.
Those who are responsible for logically distributing electoral votes based on congressional district (legislative inhabitants of Maine and Nebraska or those voters from other states who would like to have at least those rights in common with the Pine Tree and Cornhusker states) would likely not suffer from many of the side effects mentioned below.
Diversionary tactics: This edition of the chronicles of the middle class ailments is a simple diversion from the grind of the bi-weekly posts, much like the Dr. Seuss material from post 15. Not sure whether the relief from the grind is more beneficial to the author of these episodes or the non-existent reader. Don’t answer that. The idea is to further ridicule the ludicrous nature of our political system (some people call it a democracy) and mock the stranglehold that stubborn politicians have and processes they promote that are in place to limit or prevent improvements of the most sensible kind.
Fires and pills: If electing politicians is just like sitting out by an enticing fire (see part 39), then it is surely also like taking medications. While the fire will help restore a mood, a pill can also do so. A pill can manage your rheumatoid arthritis, high cholesterol or irritable bowel syndrome, while causing other problems- like thinking that drive-through accounting services are a good idea or cultivatating an uncontrollable desire to sign up for Britney news text alerts. I know people who vote for all the challengers, all the republicans, all Independents, all democrats, some who don’t vote and some who are ballot splitters, who vote for who they feel is the best candidate for the job, supposing there is a name on the ballot which is suited to that approach. Voting in an election, armed with our hopes, is too much like a drug. We seek to cure all ills, ours, our family’s, our community’s, or posterity’s, when we mark in those circles which appear before selected candidate’s names. Taking basically any drug/electing most any official has its side effects. Martin Luther King said: “We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.” There is hope in the vote and much finite disappointment if we keep electing the same two political parties. It often happens where a prescribed drug serves no good purpose, or works, but cancels out the productive qualities of other medications. Where they are Constitutionally strong, (the republicans), they too much favor the rich and military spending, etc.; where they are generous to the poor (the democrats), they are prone to enable the indigent and these elixirs/laws/social aid programs for others cause us great pain.
Getting older: As we age, three things happen nearly in concert. One, we take more medications, excepting if we were dealt a set of crappy genes and have taken them our whole lives or we were hypochondriacs prior to the aging process taking a toll on our immune system; Second, we talk about our ailments, sometimes even to our parents, whom you will never defeat in a verbal exchange of maladies; Third, we talk more about politics. Coincidence? I think not! Eighteen years ago, I only thought about sports, reading Dickens and figuring out when my mom would be working so that I could have sex with my girlfriend. I was twenty. One other thing that was vaguely in my mind was the germ for this very exhaustive work nearing its completion/abandonment. What I am hinting at is we may have to take prescribed medications simply to keep our innards from shutting down in order to tolerate the desolateness of adulthood that is a greater awareness of our fearless leader's collective utility. Not even the elves were subjected to so much self-awareness when they learned that Santa did not traverse the globe looking for christians to reward with gifts from some supposed bottomless magic bag of presents.
Prescription drugs: “Prescription-drug advertising is big business. The pharmaceutical industry in 2006 spent $4.8 billion on consumer ads, according to IMS Health, a private firm that tracks sales and marketing. The industry spent $7.2 billion more marketing products to doctors.” http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-02-29-drugs-inside_N.htm, “Analyzing the side effects of drug ads” Julie Appleby, February 29, 2008. Now, that is big business. Thousands of people, including myself, have addressed, or proven, the connection between the prescription drug industry and the politicians who protect them; this will not be a mini-diatribe in that vein. I am going for comedy.
Side effects I: There are all kinds of side effects connected with the medications we take which we suppose are good for us. I happen to think that additional options at election time would do wonders for our economic and political health, albeit without completely correcting problems, but without our suffering by our imbibing, injecting or ingesting them. We need a way to get through nearly 18 months of canvassing. These third party candidates are looked upon like generic drugs because people do not recognize the name, as it has not been thrown in their face by constant advertising. Huh, this metaphor is more sound than I thought. Think of the doctors, as the media- proposing that only two candidates/drugs are worthy of consideration.
Side effects II: My diagnosis is that politicians and voters both justify the compromised conscience, which must be like a drug addict’s gradual decline into dependency- filled with denial. The former are not pressed to alter their approach to issue resolution and the latter don’t demand more . . . whining about it does not count. By voting to change nothing we can continue to complain just as we always have and the elected politician can continue to push his remedies, knowing they are placebo solutions we will continue to swallow to no avail. Everyone has seen dozens of commercials for various miracle drugs which will allow for an erection and help sustain it, but may cause an upset stomach or cause a temporary bluish vision or light sensitivity- Viagra. The following comments are in that way and mock those who dream of change by refusing to be the authors of it. Keep in mind, it isn’t always obvious who should be prescribing and who ingesting the drugs mentioned below, but that is what I’m here for . . . to obscure the line of truth. Doing the opposite, trying to pronounce that line, is too much damn work, so this is a departure.
Disclaimer: Some of the side effects and warnings below have been embellished for comedic effect. A wise reader will be able to differentiate the real from fabricated side effects. Some of the side effects referred to have only manifested themselves in fewer than 5% of patients. I am not interested in delineating which of those side effects those might be. We’ve all heard about those drugs that may not be for people who are nursing, who are pregnant, who may become pregnant, who know what pregnancy is, etc., those advertisements which must admit to a catalogue of possible subsequent indispositions which it takes the narrator more than half the commercial to enumerate. Hopefully I can provide more in the spirit of the 12 days/drugs of christmas, political medication style. Another element of these advertisements is that the voice talent, lists a series of disclaimers, communicating who should not attempt to take the drug being advertised- so I have followed suit.
1) Plan B: your pregnancy backup plan, which can prevent a pregnancy up to 72 hours after unprotected sex or primary contraceptive failure.
Side effects may include: stomache cramps; vaginal bleeding; the inclination to favor the letter ‘B’ above all other letters, especially if you live on a farm and were violated by a horse your father-brother said it was too cold to castrate in the barn; headache; heavier menstrual bleeding; lighter menstrual bleeding, bleating- like a sheep; dizziness; breast tenderness; a Jones for some breast tenders; fatigue; vomiting.
People who should avoid taking Plan B: those to whom it has occurred that the use of Plan B would take away some of the heat conservatives place on the Roe v. Wade decision; men; those who celebrate Festivus (a Seinfeld reference- a fictional holiday I have decided to capitalize the name of ); people who have been pregnant for 72 days; youngish daughters of conservative hypocrite politicians who fear their run to the may be crippled if the beloved family value square on their Yahtzee board of morals will never be populated with a score. This box is less difficult to fill than four-of-a-kind.
Note: at the beginning of the list of side effects for Plan B this disclaimer appears- “Some women may experience side effects similar to those of many birth control pills.” Sounds like they are playing the blame game too- see part 40. After the side effects list this sentence appears- “If you should experience severe abdominal pain, you may have an ectopic pregnancy . . .” Suuuuure, use the old ectopic pregnancy excuse.
2) Fexofenadyne hydrochloride (Allegra): Will allow an allergy sufferer some relief.
Side effects may include: back pain; upper respiratory infection; diarrhea; vomiting; dizziness; pain in extremities; or pain in the stremities. And I thought the fact that some people voted for Obama was going to be bad for our Constitution.
People who should avoid taking Allegra: kittens who think they are acting as emotionally distant as some people; people who have passed a bulbous-foreheaded child through their birth canal; people who may or may not have a red-headed step-child; those who do not know the difference between Darth Vader and an Ele-vater; those who have been naughty or nice; left-handers; people who have never seen an Edward Norton movie; those who think that small business owners should actually see a tax increase. I hope there isn’t an outcry for a small business owner tax increase- for those who make 200k-250k AND who own small business- and who must meet payroll. These are not the types of people who should see a tax increase. This is an important distinction from those who make 200-250k and who do not own a small business. Oh, another side effect- molting. Because those who can slough off how imperative it is to avoid taxing small business owners who are employing other people are allergic to common sense.
3) Bronchodilator (Advair): Will treat patients with asthma and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.
Side effects may include: irritation and inflammation of the ears; bronchitis; lower respiratory infection; the contention that your candidate, if he is a republican who lost to a democrat, or a democrat, who lost to a republican, was far and away the better candidate (i.e. cognitive dissonance); nausea; dizziness; increased heartbeat; lost their heart when they discovered how ruthless the corporate world can be; bloody nose; sinus infections; voice changes; menstrual problems (among men); thrush (whatever that is); nervousness and bone pain. I would be nervous too if that was the list of potential complications that might stem from having ingested such a restorative. Bone pain? From something that is supposed to assist asthmatics?
People who should avoid taking Advair: those who answer the phone using the word- “Yello” or pronounce the ‘X’ that is in the word “especially"; have ever ironed a sock; think that all democrats are exempt from hypocrisy (which, if this were true, would make the gullible/credulous breathe easier); and those who have never liked general anesthetic, new math, old tires or christmas crap (i.e. unneeded, hideous, storage-space-eating decorations that someone else thinks you cannot live without); people who take peanut butter in their hot chocolate or the double foam, chai latte, (or tai chi, which I would guess is a drink you take while practicing a martial art).
Note: a bronchodilator is not a type of long-necked herbivory dinosaur alive during the Jurassic period. Also- I cannot get past this bone pain thing. So, do not take Advair if you are already taking Viagra . . . Bone pain. Figure it out.
4) Viagra: got wood? No? This will help.
Side effects may include: facial flushing; upset stomache; temporary bluish vision; blurriness; light sensitivity; headache- especially after satisfying your partner who is going to want more than a four hour commitment. It is advised that Viagra only be taken once a day- but if you are into monkey lovein’ or are a monkey misogynist (which has nothing to do with monkey massages) and you like to try to get by with just one pill a day- good luck- I’ve heard that those simian females have some pretty lofty expectations.
People who should avoid taking Viagra: people who were too sophisticated for trick-or-treating by the age of eight; apparently those with already weakened vision; those who have made a joke about Viagra in connection to Egg Nog(gin); those who like to watch x-rated hypnotists “perform”; men who after taking Viagra- lose all interest in intercourse if they even think about the pace of the Barbara Streisand version of “Jingle Bells”; people who have held their own christmas cards hostage (which often stems from being sleighted by neighbors, relatives, acquaintances or part-time friends who did not give them a christmas card of their ugly family last year); people who have tried facon (this is fake bacon and has nothing to do with people who pretend sexual enjoyment- friggin' untrustworthy vegetarians); people who almost voted for Nader, or who wrote in Mickey Mouse or god- these people already have enough nerve, vigor and potency and probably get off plenty on their displayed pride and have no need to have their fore-sight compromised by a drug that may blind them if taken twice a day.
Note: Why would a drug designed to firm up a man’s primary sexual organ potentially cripple his vision (look at the vision-related side effects)? If one becomes dependent on Viagra, the quality of their sexual partners is sure to decrease- because of the little-known post-blue pill ingestion condition known as Viagra-goggles which clouds ones physical assessment of proposed, present sexual partners. The same thing happens to voters who take a Viagra equivalent hoping for trenchant political judgments of their elected officials, but are rather left feeling blue. Be sure to avoid the dreaded Viagra and Plan B combo.
Question: Would Viagra help with political impotence too (help the lack of flow to the brain of candidates who accept gifts from constituents, or attempt to sell seats on Ebay), or is it just for the flow of blood to the penis?
5) Chantix- (varenicline) tablets: The motto: “It’s all about getting there.” With the image of a turtle on a trail toward a distant finish line. I don’t know that the average smoker has 17 years to wait to quit smoking with your help. Maybe the Cicada should be your drug's symbol. And if it really is supposed to be about getting there and not how soon someone is to get there is Chantix really worth it?
Side effects may include: change in behavior; agitation; depression; suicidal thoughts or actions; constipation; gas; vomiting- did I already use a line about a weakened constitution?; “sleep problems (trouble sleeping, or vivid, unusual, or strange dreams)” These are not all the side effects of CHANTIX . . . you may have trouble opening drawers, may not be able to spell the word ‘fag’ if spotted the ‘f’ and the ‘a’. (Note: “fag” is another name for cigarette.) As always- jaundice, rickets scurvy and rubella.
People who should avoid taking Chantix: people who do not know how to chew gum; people who like the automobile exchange rate with South Korea which should not at all trouble Ford, GM, or Chrysler to come up with an economy model which does not so negatively affect our ecosystem; those who have ever caused the demise of their garbage disposal by trying to grind up grapefruit husks; have ever benefited from a Ponzi investment scheme (which I swear is some combination of Fonzi and Potsi and somehow related to Happy Days, but Google tells me different; those who drive or operate heavy machinery; wear more than one watch on their right wrist and those who do not put their pants on one leg at a time . . . oh, and all white people, including those prone to regretting who they have voted for in a general election. If this drug were marketed to politicians, the motto could be changed to- “It’s all about getting there, no matter how much money you spend during your campaign, deciding not to use public financing and continuing to be beholden to campaign donors and thus continuing to forsake the middle class who really need your help.” Yeah, those are the types of politicians who like to blow smoke up your . . .
6) Spiriva: an inhaled maintenance prescription treatment for breathing problems associated with COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease).
Side effects may include: chronic bronchitis; emphysema; an allergy to Tupperware that was purchased in the mid 1980s; dry mouth; wet tail (which is usually, almost exclusively an infirmity suffered by small rodents); sore throat; worsening of breathing problems; wheezing; chest pain; severe constipation; upper respiratory infection (in up to 41 percent of people); sinus infection; bladder infection; muscle pain; yeast infection; nosebleeds; difficulty passing urine; vision changes; chest pains; signs of an allergic reaction (i.e. hives; unexplained rash; itching; unexplained swelling; wheezing; difficulty swallowing); RARE side effects include leg pain; voice changes; unusual sensations; such as burning or tingling; canker sores; high cholesterol; hyperglycemia; bone pain; shingles; cataracts; gastroesophageal reflux disease. “ . . . make sure to let your healthcare provider know if you develop any side effects while taking the drug or if something ‘just does not seem right.’ ” Is there anything left? Seriously, why even advertise, prescribe or administer any product that has the potential to cause so many subsequent complications? And if you insist on doing so, perhaps paranoia should be listed first among the potential side effects.
People who should avoid taking Spiriva: those who have not mastered the use of the rhetorical question, not even in printed form; people who enjoy paying more in health care expenses for people who should not reside in this country; people who despise the overconfidence of those with 4-wheel drive vehicles the morning after six inches of snow; those who welcome what any performer, especially Alec Baldwin, Barbara Streisand, Tim Robbins, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, or Bruce Springsteen has to say about politics; apparently, those who enjoy breathing, and obese people who think it is against one of the commandments to make them pay more for airline tickets, considering the drag (literally) they have on a plane’s fuel efficiency. I have no opinion on that matter. Write that down- it might be the answer to the trivia question: “on what topics has Janus not expressed an opinion.
Note: I only added a couple of side effects to the list of them for Spiriva- the legitimate potential compliations took up all the space. Among the most comical- “unexplained rash” and “unexplained swelling.” Have you ever been able to explain a rash or swelling until someone explains it for you? Isn't it explained if you do not have short term memory loss and recall having taken Spiriva?
7) Xanax/Alprazolam: is a CNS depressant which works by slowing down the nervous system and controlling the chemicals in the brain. Anyone thinking that Tolkein could have used either of the names listed just after the 7) for wizards in a novel that is to be published posthumously? No? You think this novel would have come to light by now- just like the pictures of Obama and the audio tapes of LBJ. There is art and intrigue out there my friends.
Side effects may include: drowsiness; dry mouth; increased saliva production; lightheadedness; tiredness; trouble concentrating- (like when someone has penned a long blog column); weight changes; swelling of the mouth, face, lips, tongue, or buttocks (unexplained swelling of the buttocks?) closed-circuit to Jennifer Lopez- stand clear; confusion; fainting; hallucination; loss of coordination; a gain in coordination; ordination without anyone's help; menstrual changes; muscle twitching; nail biting; a fear of chairs; red, swollen, blistered, or peeling skin; seizures; searches; trouble speaking; stammering; yellowing of the eyes or skin; a change in eye color; the loss of your eyes- like under a couch or something (perhaps in connection with your having taken Viagra); changes in sexual desire; insomnia; . . . wait, a change in sexual desire? Really? . . . inner restlessness; outer restlessness; the strange desire to shave one’s ear hair even when it isn’t needed. It is noted that “some side effects may not be reported” such as an inability to write, speak, draw a picture, or use a telephone in order to report those side effects.
People who should avoid taking Xanax: TI; Amish people who cannot make a wooden rocking chair; those who thought that Acapulco would be a great vacation spot because of having watched a lot of Love Boat episodes in the late 70s; those who forgot to put the recycling down at the end of the driveway the week before christmas; people who think that the government cannot waste enough of our money, and therefore should not even have the hope of resting more easily, Coke drinkers; Pepsi drinkers; those who have ever mixed Pepsi with Captain Morgan; Captain Morgan (drugs and alcohol don’t mix), Morgan Fairchild; Morgan Freeman; parents of little boys who have received advice, by him, on how to keep him out of the freezer; people who can explain the link between meal time and the inclination of kids under five to remove their socks; people who have no reservations about the ambiguity of the first amendment.
8) Orencia/Abatacept: for Rheumatoid arthritis.
Side effects may include: redness at the injection site; upset stomach; chills; fever; persistent sore throat; flu-like symptoms; night sweats; shortness of breath; funky gums; coccidia; unusual lumps or growths; usual lumps or growths; increased, decreased or painful urination (these guys are really covering their butt- and would have to use big hands to do so if they had just taken Xanax); increase in the size of one's hands- (just messing with you); an interest in allowing mass immigration with no questions asked.
People who should avoid taking Orencia: people who aspire to travel back in time to direct a World War II movie that is to be filmed in that actual era (i.e. in the 1940s); Welfare proponents who encourage the demonstrated fraud hundreds have uncovered; idealists; realists; those who have head-butted a reindeer . . . with a red nose, which was not derived from a birth defect, but because it was an alcoholic; people who have needlessly gotten a cortisone shot so they could watch an NFL playoff game; those who think that any supreme court justice should tell a woman what to do with her body (restrict abortions); a homosexual what to do with their domestic partners (prohibit marriages); or subject people out for dinner who are non-smokers to the hazards of second-hand smoke. Also, people who have a hard time determining what an unusual lump or growth might be; people who blame the unusual growth of their buttocks on Xanax; people who keep losing or breaking expensive electronics they don’t ever have to pay for; those who have ever had trouble getting a belt sander to work, or have ever had trouble getting a belt sander to rest.
9) Cymbalta: an antidepressant.
Side effects may include: blurred vision; hot flashes; yawning; vertigo; gas; chills; seasonal allergies; taste changes; abnormal dreams (like those where you get to be on top); weight loss or weight gain; a decreased sex drive; sweating; ejaculation problems; orgasm problems; (so far- these are actual listed side effects- except for the embellished abnormal dream component); shakiness; hostility or aggression; engaging in unusual or dangerous activities; chest palpitations; the hugging of house plants; desire to change light bulbs when they have not burnt out; acne; ear pain; an interest in clicking on George Michael Google results to be found on lyrics.com; high blood pressure; congestive heart failure; sensitivity to the sun; sensitivity to being mooned, especially by ugly people.
People who should avoid taking Cymbalta: should also avoid taking Cialis, Propecia, Lipitor, Lexepro, Celebrex- drugs I have left out of this column for the sake of brevity; people who think they are being brief if they restrict their column to 9 pages; those who talk a lot with their eyes closed; pee more when they’re nervous or cold; pinned their pants in 1984; those whose elbows have gotten bigger since their 30s; people who have filed frivolous lawsuits; have ever shaken hands with a type II diabetic; have ever advocated that Pakistan should give arms to tribal militias . . . ever advocated that they should give legs; those who have gone to the same dental hygienist twice a year for a decade and still don’t know her name; have always thought that there only should have been one edition of Walt Whitman’s collection of poetry- “Leaves of Grass”; have used alliteration to name their car; have been told that sighs that have meaning have been banned in the home.
10) Boniva (ibandronate sodium): used to combat osteoporosis.
Side effects may include: headaches; back pain; indigestion; an eagerness, in fourteen years, to pay ten times what a college tuition costs now; people who cannot get taxed enough; unexplained explanations; home foreclosure; vomiting; high cholesterol; weakness; infections; muscle pain; arthritis; dizziness; a spinning sensation; bronchitis; thumb pain; arm or leg pain; pneumonia; sore throat; bladder infection; constipation; prostipation; insomnia; somnia; throat pain; difficulty swallowing (potential esophageal ulcers); those with difficulty swallowing the cost of a recount for the taxpayer; severe heartburn; jaw or tooth problems; signs of an allergic reaction, including hives, itching, unexplained rash and unexplained swelling (they’re back- like evil Siamese twins).
People who should avoid taking Boniva: those that think bow-legged Oriental women are attractive; those who already look like Kirk Douglas/those who look like a jack-o-lantern still on someone’s front step on November 10th (same, same); people who think Oswald acted alone; people who think Jack Ruby acted alone; people who are annoyed by David Caruso’s (CSI-Miami) overacting; people who think that corporations should continue to be allowed to take American jobs overseas without any crippling affect on the greedy bastards making such moves; people who have kidnapped Mrs. Clause; and people for whom the threat of Santa’s omniscience and the elfish version of the posse comitatus/retributive justice is as ineffectual as the SEC; people who dispute that someone burns more calories standing up than when seated; those who had older sisters who had a suspected crush on Kirk Cameron- even when he was wearing pink, which was the old yellow; people who cred at the end of "Old Yeller"; people who have, through neglect, killed a cactus; those who are married to people that are so into being green, that they fear their spouse will actually hug a tree next year;
One final note: Courtesy of: http://www.drugs.com/cymbalta.html “Cymbalta can cause side effects that may impair your thinking or reactions. Be careful if you drive or do anything that requires you to be awake and alert." For example- ohhhhh, voting for instance. Should you have voted for a democrat or republican in the election a few weeks back, how can you have been administered this medication and the Independents should still, and again, be those who are depressed. Rhetorical question. I am probably not being adminstered Spiriva.
Seasons Greetings: Why, you ask, are there only 10 drugs, when I had promised, or threatened, the 12 drugs/days of christmas. This is a recession and I need to spend some time going over the voluntary leave packet that was disseminated last week at work before a whirlwind string of days where each day requires I be merry. I cannot spend all of my joy on this christmas column. I am tired of fighting Microsoft Vista and the Word application trying to figure out, post George Michael Virus, how to override the auto format functions and constant lower casing of the letter ‘C’ in the word Christmas. I cannot pronounce a holiday I do not religiously appreciate. Besides, my son is in a Blue’s Clues phase and I am strangely fascinated by the prospect of watching (again) the episode where Joe replaces Steve, who is off to college. Ahh, Christmas vacation, christmas vacation. Gotta go- I need to help the little Houdini get the remote, and keep him out of the Spritz cookies.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Middle Class Part 40: Issues Article 13; Free Trade, Democracy- the Hostage Situation, and the George Michael Virus
I bet you thought we were done with Rousseau: “. . . it is the best and most natural arrangement for the wisest to govern the multitude, if we are sure that they will govern it for its advantage and not for their own. One ought never to multiply devices uselessly, or employ twenty thousand men to do what a hundred picked men could do much better. But it must be noted that the corporate interest begins at this point to direct the national energies less strictly in accordance with the general will, and that a further inevitable tendency is for a part of the executive power to escape the domain of law.” (Book III, chapter 5, pg. 115- Rouseau’s The Social Contract, published initially in 1762). I first included this quote in part 31, but it is far more applicable here. Whereas the first two sentences concern the subject matter of that number (31), the third sentence more aptly introduces this number’s subject matter.
Synonymous: For the purposes of the next four paragraphs the words- captive, consumer, and voter are synonymous; the words captor, corporation, stoics and business are synonymous; the words liaison, plant, politician and emissary are synonymous.
Definitional term: stoic- of or pertaining to the school of philosophy founded by Zeno, who taught that people should be free from passion, unmoved by joy or grief, and submit without complaint to unavoidable necessity. (dictionary.com) The only problem with stoics, and it is an annoying one, is that they expect you to be as calm and dispassionate as they who were wired to be realists. The ideal stoic agrees to play cards, is always the dealer, calmly never deals any cards and is flabbergasted by your expectation to receive some.
Hostage situation I: Think of democracy as a hostage situation- we’ve been taken into captivity by a set of criminals for whom it is not in their best interest to take care of us. We adjust our wallets to pay for a higher priced gallon of gasoline, and adjust our lives after we’ve been laid off by corporations allowed to outsource jobs without any recognizable or communicated penalty. The captors are the businesses, the politicians are merely the plants that the captors send in to take the economic pulse of the captives/consumers/voters making sure the latter are atrophied in their own complacency and do not have the strength to move beyond their fear of an unduly considered and potentially illegitimate rebellion. There are many people like this (liaisons) at work- who attend meetings, seek to foster communication, and make decisions that they communicate to others without ever doing much themselves. They are not the boss, but rather attempt to fit in and come off as one of the multitude. See, while a politician may be voted out of office, as the captives can sometimes hold them responsible for their own unhappiness, they have little affect in swaying the corporation to treat the captives more fairly. Bear with me during this metaphor and keep in mind- I haven’t watched an episode of 24 in five years, so this whole scene may be difficult to understand, as my source material, or my memory is out of date. (Also, keep in mind that the Thanksgiving holiday brought about the crashing of our computer. As I am now conducting blog business on this new one, I am sure the quality of my unfounded opinions shall increase, or not. Note: don’t ever look up George Michael lyrics on Google, and click on a result without expecting a Gay-Fetish thumbnail shortcut to be placed on your desktop.)
Hostage situation II: In that, the consumer/voter/captive, with their purchasing power, being thus removed from any direct contact with its captors/stoics must adopt a passive attitude toward them while they are disgusted with the politicians for their condition and perhaps come to confide in this emissary/plant/politician about what is on their mind. The politician’s/emissary’s job is to convince certain corporations/captors (say the oil magnates for instance) that the consumer has very little economic safe haven at this time. The politician’s job is to negotiate with the captor a settlement, wherein the latter agrees to not reap as much capital as during a former time, in exchange for a promise that the day of reaping windfall profits (of passing the costs of a suspect $109 a barrel for oil onto the consumer) lies just ahead. This corporate insulation (of having a liaison who communicates freely with both the captive and the captor) assists the liaison in managing the captive’s expectations. We collectively figure that there is nothing we can do to change things but vote against the emissaries/politicians who sometimes attempt to placate us; how happy were we when gas fell under $3 a gallon? We had been conditioned to accept gas at $4 a gallon so that anything that cost us less was a relief of immeasurable proportions. We have justified to ourselves the rising cost of gasoline, the price of health care, of military spending, of welfare fraud and abuse and the rising cost of Ultimate Fighting Championship videos featuring a match between a cotton-topped tamarin and a horn shark is economically justifiable, at least we must think so or we would rebel, by at least altering our voting habits. We complain to each other- our friends, neighbors, co-workers, none of whom are in a position to remedy how expensive our natural gas bills have become. At least we have recognized (mindful of Rousseau) that “the corporate interest” has escaped “the domain of law” and have done so to the relief of our delicate American psyches where it is better to reside in the comfort of our Xanax-like “mind-forged manacles” to borrow a William Blake phrase. (Note- Blake never mentioned anything about Xanax- that was my addition. Read Blake’s poem- “London” for more information.)
Managed expectations: I walked out of a Walgreens after the cashier rang up a $5.17 12 pack of Coke the other day because I had not expected to have to pay so much for it. The whole retail business and business generally is controlled by how much a corporation is going to ask for a certain good or service, balanced with how likely they feel the majority of consumers who might be in the market for such a good or service are willing to pay. There are different markets of course, for those who can afford to buy high-priced fresh seafood and new Jaguars are not at the stage in their life where owning a futon is desirable. I gather most people get the law of supply and demand? I am not attempting to get Levis, Coca-Cola or Macintosh to drop the prices of jeans, Diet Sprite, or i-phones, so stop with the assumption that I want to price-fix goods and services. Capitalism is the backbone of our economy and I wouldn’t have it any other way. But there is a certain level of price-fixing among the various industries- to how much a car company can charge for an economy model to when caffeinated pop goes on sale. If you don’t have enough money to buy a coach purse for your wife (who doesn’t need one) and grew up wearing Genera knock-off shirts, everything will be all right. Try not to pass your economic insecurities down to your children. I am concerned about necessary cost items, which I have many times listed in the course of this blog epic. If I cannot afford to take a Caribbean cruise, help fund a Free Tibet, or justify the need for a blackberry to stress my self-importance, I’ll have to find a way to carry on in this life.
Crime and punishment: What I would desire is that corporations have the rules of the road apply to them. I would like them to feel compelled to halt at a stop sign or risk a moving violation ticket. I would like their punishment for treating those relying on the affordability of necessary cost items like a tree kangaroo would treat a river birch to be communicated to the masses and delivered without mercy by an agency appointed to do so, like- ah, the state and national legislative bodies that are already in that position. How often are we able to see the driver of a car in such a hurry to get somewhere 45 seconds early that was tailgating us for two miles while we were going nine miles over the speed limit, stopped for speeding at some point down the road? For every Martha Stewart, who was once named the third most powerful woman in the world by the Ladies Home Journal, (quite an honor) who was convicted of lying to investigators about a stock sale, there are hundreds of businessmen twice as guilty of transacting shady business deals roaming freely (see the Bernard Madoff footnote below). These captains of industry should be fined or punished in more unappealing ways, like being forced to shave my neck beard or forced to take out ads that place into prominence the motto- “start seeing motorcycles” even if they are in the air travel industry. Yes, they must support the helmetless duffi (the plural of dufus), who use their teeth as bug guards, who ride around on their symbols of male virility who treat cars like pylons- all the while thinking that automobile drivers are the ones who must be safe enough for motorcyclists too. I digress.
Just punishment: I expect businesses to be forced to be treated less like the financial conspirator savants that the politicians allow them to be. A savant is traditionally a person with amazing capabilities or talents who cannot feel the spirit behind their creations, who cannot be moved to joy or despair, but simply plod on, without the ability to enjoy or regret. They cannot reason through someone else’s pain- some people call that empathy. Did you see the smirk on Madoff's face when confronted with aggressive cosmopolitan reporters? Those types of financial vampires have no heart for Somali Pirates, shoe-throwing Iraqi reporters or president-elect Obama, who a colleague, who voted for Obama insists will be a better president than the man currently in that office. That is the ultimate- manage expectations approach. How could Obama be worse? I would make a comparison to a former head coach of the Minnesota Vikings (Denny Green) who attempted to convince people that making the playoffs was an accomplishment worthy of celebration. I would get into the specifics of where he led only two of his teams out of the first round, twice losing home games in the opening round, going 4-8 in the playoffs, but that would take me well off topic. I would not want to become accustomed to digression. Silence!
Those without shoes and the stoics: At this time of the year, when Thanksgiving leftovers- yams, mashed potatoes, corn, turkey, to-furkey, etc. are distant memories and we traditionally begin to talk about Chinese college students who seek hugs from pandas that bite, (see "Panda Bites Student Who Just Wanted a Hug" Associated Press, November 22, 2008), which picture to use for the christmas card and governors trying to gain a financial benefit by selling a senate appointment to the highest bidder, I begin to get in the giving mood. Various charities receive my attention- Toys 4 Tots, Santas Anonymous, Sharing and Caring hands- not GM, Ford and Chrysler. I would have no idea how much certain corporations give to the needy and in many, many cases, the middle class would not be classified as needy in the traditional sense (homeless, hungry, shoeless, coatless, etc.) But the average corporation could treat the middle class, whom they are supposed to serve* and who are their biggest customer (in many cases) to a bit more of that leftover pumpkin pie. (Forgive the Thanksgiving references- my computer was unavailable for two weeks and I cannot displace the metaphor gold with more timely language.) There is certainly an arrangement, a scheme, a partnership between the captors and the politician-liaisons which very much concerns the middle class economically. The middle class is beaten back by conservative pundits for having dug their own hole in charging up their credit card to meet their desires. And in too many cases, this is certainly true. But what of those families who continue to get pay raises that do not meet the cost of living/inflation and do not charge items that overreach their earnings? How many millions of people get a 3% raise, when food, natural gas, health insurance and college tuition all continue to rise more than 3% each year? It is neither in the politician’s nor the corporate interest to attend to certain middle class requirements to any degree at all? Jonathan Swift wrote- “The stoical scheme of supplying our wants by lopping off our desires, is like cutting off our feet, when we want shoes.” Many people work hard to enjoy life and members of the middle class who own high quality computers, with anti-virus software, high-speed internet and high definition televisions should not be made to feel guilty if their credit cards are not overused, don’t eat out all the time, and aren’t QVC impulse shoppers, who would mail order a Chinese bride.
Dobbs out of a job: Lou Dobbs would be out of a job if there were any corporate responsibility laws in place. In his book (War on the Middle Class) which I have referenced or quoted from in almost half of my offerings, he includes a chapter called “Exporting America.” In the first paragraph of this chapter he writes: “Competition is the hallmark of a free enterprise economy . . . through off-shoring of production and services, the outsourcing of jobs to cheap foreign labor markets, and their support of illegal immigration, they have put the American worker into direct competition with the cheapest labor in every corner of the world.” Take it from someone who despises the American model of participation trophies where everyone is a winner and the score is always tied- not the type of competition I had in mind. There must be a punishment for these types of actions- not the stuff about the ninnyfication of the United States, but the free-wheeling ways of American corporations.
Pay for freedom: The idea that an employee of a corporation must support the means by which the company attains their globalized economy freedom is nonsensical. Corporations should continue to pursue the means to globalize their products and services, but not in an unfettered manner. Some people at my friend’s company will be “eligible” to receive a voluntary separation package. This company should be fined for using such placating language. “Freedom is not free” is an often quoted line of Benjamin Franklin’s. Most assuredly he spoke these words in reference to our nation’s fight for freedom from tyranny, the hardships endured by all who signed the Declaration of Independence, and those who fought for the tenets included in that document; however, Franklin’s words are also mindful of the middle class struggle to remain economically stable across generations. Our own government, has sanctioned freedom for corporations and it is the middle class that continues to pay for it as you will see below. Rousseau wrote- “Man was born free, and he is everywhere in chains” on the first page of “The Social Contract”. Restricting ourselves to the consideration of free market principles upheld by certain numbers of politicians, there is no reason to deny the Frenchman’s line.
Some other key words from this chapter of America’s chief export- its jobs:
Getting hammered: “Whether because of stagnant real earnings, higher mortgages, higher gasoline and heating oil prices, the rising cost of health care, or the cost of sending a kid to college, working men and women in every part of the country are getting hammered. And getting hammered during what is, by nearly every conventional standard, a period of prosperity.” (pg. 110) (Keep in mind that “War on the Middle Class” was published in 2006; since then we have seen the demise of the then very healthy housing market, the bailout of mortgage backed securities corporations, the requested bailout of major automobile manufacturers, the continued destruction of everyone’s 401K retirement savings, and at least one new CSI or Law and Order spin-off hit the airwaves. Hm, and I had written about how economically sick the middle class was when we were healthy.)
Corporate health: “Corporate America is likewise doing great, by the standard metrics of business and economics. Corporate taxes are at the lowest level in almost a hundred years. Corporate profits have risen more than 20 percent in 2005-2006, and those profits account for the largest share of national income in forty years. Corporate America is enjoying the best of times.” (pg. 110) I will here avoid quoting from the opening line of Charles Dickens’ “A Tale of Two Cities” and will not seek to parallel what is happening in the U.S. economically with either the French of English governments of the late 18th century. Rest assured, I do not plan on quoting from “The Pickwick Papers” either. Such self-restraint.
Cheap labor: “What we’re not used to, in fact, is corporate America packing up jobs in this country and shipping them abroad to produce goods and services that are then exported back into the U.S. market.” (pg. 111) As that is the case, why would corporations wholly need to benefit and American workers, whose jobs are being taken by the cheaper laborers overseas, wholly perish? Legislators, governors, presidents- hello? The entire country is crumbling, your plan might be? Be careful or I'll start throwing in the word- "proletariat" every couple of sentences and have people believing I am a Marxist.
Wage savings: “An estimate by Forrester Research states that $136 billion in wages will be taken from the United States and transferred to lower-wage countries by 2015.” Perhaps that is a conservative estimate . . . which is not an estimate by a conservative.
Airline example: “ . . . Northwest plans to eliminate eight hundred of its American flight attendants and replace them on international flights with foreign attendants who make as little [as] $250 per month. The company claims it can save more than $20 million a year by getting rid of American workers. This comes after Northwest’s employees were hit with pay reductions: Pilots took a 24 percent cut; flight attendants, 21 percent; and ground workers, 19 percent. Not affected by these substantial decreases is Northwest CEO Doug Steenland. His compensation package is nearly $4.5 million, with a guaranteed annual retirement pension of nearly $1 million.” (pg. 117) I wonder if the business unit executive at my friend’s corporation (see last time) would take a pay cut, ask for his wages to be frozen or decline any portion of his “well-earned” bonus money for seeing to it that 70 (phase 1) jobs be moved offshore. “Northwest received $250 billion in federal taxpayer money to bail it out. It then decided to hire overseas workers to staff its planes and perform maintenance work.”
Corporate world: There was a bill in place which was vetoed by governor Pawlenty (of MN) in 2007 that would have asked the taxpayer to pay a portion of an expansion subsidy ($16.5 million) for a new wing that was to be added to a legal publishing and information network company that is now in the process of off-shoring even more jobs than it had before. I mentioned how disgusting this was to a co-worker and she brought up the “relatively” low price tag. I think she used the word “only” in reference to the $16.5 million. This defense, used to justify how fiscally irresponsible legislators can be in spending our money (though not in this case- as I mentioned, the bill was vetoed- the legislators were saved by the governor), is an old and tired response to reasonable taxpayer frustration. If we took the time to add up all of the dollar amounts that are so woefully inadequate from a difference making perspective, in terms of the funding we could use to fix any number of economic problems, the insufficient total dollar amounts would not be so insufficient. Getting adults to understand this and keep them from minimizing the need for business and private industry regulations and laws to protect the consumer would be more difficult than trying to communicate to my two-year-old girl how difficult it is to digest Play-Doh.
Complicit conspiracy: While the president elect has made comments about slowing the flood of jobs being outsourced,** the Bush administration’s antics have been contemptible. Dobbs writes: “ . . . there is a virtual conspiracy of silence regarding the truth about outsourcing. Its value has been so overstated that the Bush administration had to resort to doctoring a major report that was critical of the exportation of American jobs before the last presidential election . . . a Commerce Department report on outsourcing was delayed for four months while it was rewritten to better fit the administration’s official stand. This twelve-page report cost more than three hundred thousand dollars to produce, and was delivered to Congress more than a year late. Its release came only after a Freedom of Information Act filing by a magazine called “Manufacturing and Technology News” and under pressure from the House Science Committee, which had funded the study. More disturbing than its cost and its delay is that the report presented to Congress was not the report that the analysts had written.” (read more on pg. 129) The government fooling us into submission as captives . . . only one word from the Princess Bride sums it up- “Inconceivable!” Inigo later pointed out to Vizzini after the latter had repeatedly declared how unfathomable was the diligence of the dread pirate Roberts***- “I do not think it [the word inconceivable] means what you think it means.” The politicians, as plants/emissaries on behalf of the captors/corporations in order to defraud the public/voter/captive? Not so inconceivable, and actually pretty certain.
Reality check: I do not think the rich should be punished simply for being rich. I know some people who have worked very hard to become members of the leisure class. I find the lyrics sung by Ten Years After a suitable remedy only for the socialist in you: “Tax the rich, feed the poor/Till there are no rich no more.” And, should you have a socialist in you, please let him out, he may be needed to placate Joe the Plumber. In other lyrics germane to the topic at hand news- I could have quoted from George Michael’s song “Praying for Time”: “The rich declare themselves poor.” And I could have mocked such an insinuation- boy, am I glad I didn’t do that considering the political and religious words Michael chose, about which I usually shy away from having an opinion on, especially so close to the ultimate religious holiday, with the exception of easter. Right, and next I’ll be told that a southern three-banded armadillo is a homebody whose friendship with a trumpeter swan is based on the notion of Perestroika.
RANDOM CORPORATE INTEREST COLUMNS AND COMMENTS
1) Source: “Bush Launches Last-Minute Deregulation Push” Washingtonpost.com, Jeffrey Smith, October 31, 2008.
Quotes: “The White House is working to enact a wide array of federal regulations, many of which would weaken government rules aimed at protecting consumers and the environment, before President Bush leaves office in January.” Matthew Madia, “a regulatory expert at OMB Watch, a nonprofit group critical of what it calls the Bush administration’s penchant for deregulating in areas where industry wants more freedom [called] the coming deluge ‘a last-minute assault on the public . . . happening on multiple fronts.’ ” Later in the article: “Clinton’s appointees wound up paying a heavy price for procrastination. Bush’s team was able to withdraw 254 regulations that covered such matters as drug and airline safety, immigration and indoor air pollutants. After further review, many of the proposals were modified to reflect Republican policy ideals or scrapped altogether.” This must be what happens to most of the bills I am sure legislators are proposing which would protect the American middle class.
Comments: Just what we need from our federal government- the equivalent of presidential pardons that affect more than the scalliwag let off by a president with the power to circumvent the public trust. Remember Clinton’s pardons? Neither do I, but I remember the media questioning how a president could be so shameless; even former president Carter called them “disgraceful.” Go to: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Clinton_pardons_controversy for a summary. Imagine the business transacted in the name of legitimate government involvement where the deregulation of private industry is concerned. My shuddering is mindful of the feelings of contempt, loathing and fear that Sam the snowman (voiced by Burl Ives) displays at the telling of the Abominable Snowman’s role in the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer christmas special which airs during the holiday season each year. Silver and gold are not just respected commodities in the world of misfit toys and stop action cartoons, but are also sought after by those who transact business on wall street, those transacting business with them in Washington and those who are asking for an auto bailout.
2) Source: “GM Reports 1st-Quarter Loss of $3.3 Billion” Associated Press, April 30, 2008.
Quotes: “Excluding the one-time items, GM lost $350 million, or 62 cents per share, beating Wall Steet’s expectations. Analysts surveyed by Thomson Financial had expected a loss of $160 per share.” Oh goody, quite a break. “GM lost $812 million in North America, compared with a loss of $208 million in the year-ago quarter. Its U.S. market share remained flat at 22 percent. The company said earlier this week that it is cutting production of some trucks and SUVs at four U.S. plants, resulting in 3,500 layoffs.” I believe each of the major three auto manufacturers will be taking a longer break this holiday season than normal because of the state of the economy.
Comments: The reason that GM would cut its production appears to be the direct result of gasoline costing so much through the first nine months of the year. Or is that too much of a conspiracy theory? Quite a happy accident for an automobile manufacturer to be able justify the elimination of American jobs because no one is buying that product because of the high price of gasoline, among other reasons. Still, I cannot prove that is the case, so it must not be true. Hell, I’ll come write out with it- car and oil companies would not be working together would they? Nah; we’re far too naïve to contend that. People will ask, “why would they do that, and price themselves out of the market?” I would answer- “they’ve been doing it, and we are talking of bailing them out aren’t we?” Whiners usally get their way- just so we can shut them up. I don't expect that talk of an auto bailout will stop. A billionaire, one of the richest people in the country, Carl Pohlad, finally got his new stadium bill pushed through the Minnesota legislature after bitching for at least twelve years for it and threatening to move the team on a number of instances.
3) Source: “Economy Seen Sliding into Deep Recession” Jeannine Aversa, St. Paul Pioneer Press, Business Section (1C, 3C), October 31, 2008.
Quotes: “Scared and out of money, Americans stopped buying everything from cars to corn flakes in the July-September quarter, ratcheting back spending by the largest amount in 28 years and jolting the national economy into what could be the most painful recession in decades.” And “Clobbered by pink slips, shrinking nest eggs and falling home values, consumers are holding ever tighter to their wallets . . . Americans’ disposable income fell at an annual rate of 8.7 percent in the quarter, the largest in records dating back to 1947.” Next year, I had planned on getting new windows for the living room because ours are no more effective than swiss cheese would be at keeping air out of the house. We now will have to measure each decision that costs any measureable amount of money because I could be out of a job in a year or so.
Comments: Don’t forget reasons such as health care costs that never go down, rising college tuition, stagnant wages, but stop if you’ve read that all before, like- when the idea of a recession was more speculative and constantly denied. I included the quote about the fact that Americans have stopped buying cars for a reason- see #2 immediately preceding and keep in mind how slowly American car manufacturers are to come around to the idea of designing more fuel efficient cars to compete with the global market. No wonder we imported 700,000 cars from South Korea in 2005 (see part 39). The economic news has been so terrible the past six months that if the movie Good Will Hunting came out this year people would think it was about people looking for bargains at the local second-hand goods store.
4) Source: “At Northwest Airlines: Meet the New Boss" (with a subtitle being “Delta Exec Says No Big Changes Soon”) John Welbes, St. Paul Pioneer Press, Business Section (1C, 3C), October 31, 2008.
Quotes: Not worth it.
Comments: Let’s see what happens after the 18-month integration is over and see how many people are laid off, how much ticket prices rise, how much they begin to charge for checking bags, plastic cups filled with ice and in flight lap massages. We’ll also track how much this ceo claims as a reward for such measures- remember this name- Bastian. I would be more surprised if this guy never makes any moves which will cause air travelers to despise him at some future date than if someone acquired a virus from their own website.
5) Source: Investment advice disclaimer: My place of employment, November 2008.
Quotes: I’ll just list the common verbiage common to many articles about financial investment: market fluctuation, volatility, investment portfolio, bear market, risk management, stocks, bonds, pervasive unemployment, diversification, investment vehicle, dollar-cost averaging, rule of 72, “Stock market values are a share of future profits. When future profit expectations fall, stock prices fall.” 401K, retirement, hosed. I added that last one.
Comments: Perhaps we should find people whose expectations are a little more manageable, like the average person who thinks they are living in a democracy. Perhaps we should return to the days where trading for real commodities was acceptable- we could again begin to value the pelt of albino squirrels in exchange for cane sugar that had less than 10 particles of sand per million.
6) Source: Ralph Nader’s book- “The Good Fight” from a chapter which addresses corporate crime. This list comes from that chapter.
Crack Down on Corporate Crime
1) “Track the Extent and Cost of Corporate Crime . . . The FBI should also produce an annual corporate and white-collar crime report as an analogue to its ‘Crime in the United States’ report, which focuses on street crime.”
2) “Increase Corporate Crime Prosecution Budgets.”
3) “Ban Corporate Criminals from Government Contracts.”
4) “Crack down on Corporate Tax Avoidance. Punish corporate tax escapees by closing the offshore reincorporation loophole and banning government contracts and subsidies for companies that relocate their headquarters to an offshore tax haven. Give the IRS more power and resources to go after corporate tax cheats. Require publicly traded corporations to make their tax returns public.”
5) “Restore the Rights of Defrauded Investors.”
6) “Democratize Corporate Governance. Grant shareholders the right to democratically nominate and elect the corporate board of directors . . . introducing cumulative voting and competitive elections. Require shareholders to approve all major business decisions, including executive compensation.”
7) “Rein in Excessive Executive Pay.”
8) “Regulate Derivatives Trading.”
9) “Expand Disclosure. Enact corporate sunshine laws that force corporations to provide better information about their records on the environment, human rights, worker safety , and taxes, as well as their criminal and civil litigation records.” When I was young and had done something worthy of a spanking, it was the embarrassment of getting pulled over my dad’s knee in front of my sisters that would deter me from acting in a manner that was not appreciated, not the pain of the spanking. Although, with these corporations everyone writes about being so evil, both deterrents may be necessary.
10) “End Conflicts of Interest on Wall Street.”
11) “Fix the Pension System.” I've already written about pensions -see part 29.
12) “Foster a National Discussion on Corporate Power. Establish a Congressional Commission on Corporate Power to explore various legal and economic proposals that would rein in unaccountable giant corporations.” In this one, Nader asks that corporations not be treated as “ ‘persons’ under our Constitution.” Silly man, asking that an ambiguously constructed 220-year-old document be a vibrant, living manifestation of the public trust be brought up to date. Inconceivable! The Supreme Court recently interpreted the second amendment, concluding that one need not be a member of “A well-regulated militia” to carry a gun and formerly (in 1973) strangely interpreted the 14th amendment to allow for abortions. Personally, I cannot fault either decision, but the bases of each of the rulings, and many others based on the Constitution is a little speculative. What in the hell did Madison and the rest of the founders mean by their words is not likely a question that is going to be answered by the authors of that historic document. The amendment in most need of being reinterpreted is the first. Until the court is delivered a case which tests the ambiguous protections inherent in the first amendment, a vast number of things wrong with this country will continue to go unresolved- for example- campaign finance, corporate interest protections, taxes, the rising costs of college tuition, the insinuation that foreigners can reside in our country and be offended by our culture and customs to the point of a lawsuit, unregistered lobbyists, puma eugenics, the rights of cameras in the presence of John Daly,***** and the requirement that Ted McGinley star or guest star in at least 10 sitcoms per decade, etc.
There, that is a list****** for people who figure that all Independents do is complain about the country's ills without offering any solutions. Independents do not presume as much as democrats and are more inexperienced in the shamelessness it takes to canvass the entire state, seeking to occupy a vacant New York senate seat. An Independent can be just as unqualified as the next man . . . or woman in that aim.
AUTO BAILOUT
Source: “Auto Bailout's Death Seen as a Republican Blow at Unions” Los Angeles Times, December 13, 2008.
Quotes: “The congressional push to help U.S. automakers was generally cast in terms of protecting the reeling national economy from another body blow -- the collapse of one or more of Detroit's Big Three. But in killing the stopgap rescue plan worked out by President Bush and congressional Democrats, conservative Republicans -- many from right-to-work states across the South -- struck at an old enemy: organized labor.”
Comments: Let one of the three fail- either allow one of them to go bankrupt or allow a Chrysler and GM merger,******* as has been discussed. Make sure the suppliers, that every expert interviewed maintains must not fail, are taken care of or we may have bigger problems. If there is a bailout plan, the concessions by the auto manufacturers that are assisted should be made public and enforced, much like the concessions made by the financial industry companies that were bailed out this fall . . . hahahaha. That’s never going to happen- and likely, neither is the enforcement the average American would demand. Pass legislation that requires automobile manufacturers to improve fuel efficiency and greenhouse gas emissions or they will suffer the consequences. Gone is the time when the automobile manufacturers can price-fix the going rate on cars without improving the quality, while cheaper alternatives are being shipped into our country at an automobile exchange rate that should shame anyone involved with the big three (Ford, GM and Chrysler) paying attention with a hand in pricing, and in making design and efficiency related decisions. Those are proposed solutions; those voting for democrats and republicans are going to have to fabricate a new complaint about Independents. What we do not need is politicians voting down a bill for revenge. Besides, getting back at union members won’t win you any elections; everyone knows you must begin to court Mexicans and people from Latin America before they legally get the right to vote. I hear republicans may be campaigning in Nicaragua starting in April. It is never too early to begin to spend the $500 million you are going to need to get the white house in 2012. If you start spending that early, you can justify having $5,000 plate dinners by mid-summer. This is my christmas shopping philosophy- if I get done early enough, I can actually enjoy the holiday season, though I am not making political promises and lying to people about the type of gifts they’ll receive/bills I’ll introduce and sign once they help me into office. Now, when did that metaphor go wrong?
Noteworthy second side to this story: “One of the leading opponents of the auto bailout, Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.), said: ‘Year after year, union bosses have put their interests ahead of the workers they claim to represent. Congress never should have given these unions this much power, and now is the time to fix it.’ ” I have written many times about a politician’s unique ability to act when they should not have and to remain still when they ought to have done something. This is a prime example.
ECONOMY
Synonymous: For the purposes of the next four paragraphs the words- captive, consumer, and voter are synonymous; the words captor, corporation, stoics and business are synonymous; the words liaison, plant, politician and emissary are synonymous.
Definitional term: stoic- of or pertaining to the school of philosophy founded by Zeno, who taught that people should be free from passion, unmoved by joy or grief, and submit without complaint to unavoidable necessity. (dictionary.com) The only problem with stoics, and it is an annoying one, is that they expect you to be as calm and dispassionate as they who were wired to be realists. The ideal stoic agrees to play cards, is always the dealer, calmly never deals any cards and is flabbergasted by your expectation to receive some.
Hostage situation I: Think of democracy as a hostage situation- we’ve been taken into captivity by a set of criminals for whom it is not in their best interest to take care of us. We adjust our wallets to pay for a higher priced gallon of gasoline, and adjust our lives after we’ve been laid off by corporations allowed to outsource jobs without any recognizable or communicated penalty. The captors are the businesses, the politicians are merely the plants that the captors send in to take the economic pulse of the captives/consumers/voters making sure the latter are atrophied in their own complacency and do not have the strength to move beyond their fear of an unduly considered and potentially illegitimate rebellion. There are many people like this (liaisons) at work- who attend meetings, seek to foster communication, and make decisions that they communicate to others without ever doing much themselves. They are not the boss, but rather attempt to fit in and come off as one of the multitude. See, while a politician may be voted out of office, as the captives can sometimes hold them responsible for their own unhappiness, they have little affect in swaying the corporation to treat the captives more fairly. Bear with me during this metaphor and keep in mind- I haven’t watched an episode of 24 in five years, so this whole scene may be difficult to understand, as my source material, or my memory is out of date. (Also, keep in mind that the Thanksgiving holiday brought about the crashing of our computer. As I am now conducting blog business on this new one, I am sure the quality of my unfounded opinions shall increase, or not. Note: don’t ever look up George Michael lyrics on Google, and click on a result without expecting a Gay-Fetish thumbnail shortcut to be placed on your desktop.)
Hostage situation II: In that, the consumer/voter/captive, with their purchasing power, being thus removed from any direct contact with its captors/stoics must adopt a passive attitude toward them while they are disgusted with the politicians for their condition and perhaps come to confide in this emissary/plant/politician about what is on their mind. The politician’s/emissary’s job is to convince certain corporations/captors (say the oil magnates for instance) that the consumer has very little economic safe haven at this time. The politician’s job is to negotiate with the captor a settlement, wherein the latter agrees to not reap as much capital as during a former time, in exchange for a promise that the day of reaping windfall profits (of passing the costs of a suspect $109 a barrel for oil onto the consumer) lies just ahead. This corporate insulation (of having a liaison who communicates freely with both the captive and the captor) assists the liaison in managing the captive’s expectations. We collectively figure that there is nothing we can do to change things but vote against the emissaries/politicians who sometimes attempt to placate us; how happy were we when gas fell under $3 a gallon? We had been conditioned to accept gas at $4 a gallon so that anything that cost us less was a relief of immeasurable proportions. We have justified to ourselves the rising cost of gasoline, the price of health care, of military spending, of welfare fraud and abuse and the rising cost of Ultimate Fighting Championship videos featuring a match between a cotton-topped tamarin and a horn shark is economically justifiable, at least we must think so or we would rebel, by at least altering our voting habits. We complain to each other- our friends, neighbors, co-workers, none of whom are in a position to remedy how expensive our natural gas bills have become. At least we have recognized (mindful of Rousseau) that “the corporate interest” has escaped “the domain of law” and have done so to the relief of our delicate American psyches where it is better to reside in the comfort of our Xanax-like “mind-forged manacles” to borrow a William Blake phrase. (Note- Blake never mentioned anything about Xanax- that was my addition. Read Blake’s poem- “London” for more information.)
Managed expectations: I walked out of a Walgreens after the cashier rang up a $5.17 12 pack of Coke the other day because I had not expected to have to pay so much for it. The whole retail business and business generally is controlled by how much a corporation is going to ask for a certain good or service, balanced with how likely they feel the majority of consumers who might be in the market for such a good or service are willing to pay. There are different markets of course, for those who can afford to buy high-priced fresh seafood and new Jaguars are not at the stage in their life where owning a futon is desirable. I gather most people get the law of supply and demand? I am not attempting to get Levis, Coca-Cola or Macintosh to drop the prices of jeans, Diet Sprite, or i-phones, so stop with the assumption that I want to price-fix goods and services. Capitalism is the backbone of our economy and I wouldn’t have it any other way. But there is a certain level of price-fixing among the various industries- to how much a car company can charge for an economy model to when caffeinated pop goes on sale. If you don’t have enough money to buy a coach purse for your wife (who doesn’t need one) and grew up wearing Genera knock-off shirts, everything will be all right. Try not to pass your economic insecurities down to your children. I am concerned about necessary cost items, which I have many times listed in the course of this blog epic. If I cannot afford to take a Caribbean cruise, help fund a Free Tibet, or justify the need for a blackberry to stress my self-importance, I’ll have to find a way to carry on in this life.
Crime and punishment: What I would desire is that corporations have the rules of the road apply to them. I would like them to feel compelled to halt at a stop sign or risk a moving violation ticket. I would like their punishment for treating those relying on the affordability of necessary cost items like a tree kangaroo would treat a river birch to be communicated to the masses and delivered without mercy by an agency appointed to do so, like- ah, the state and national legislative bodies that are already in that position. How often are we able to see the driver of a car in such a hurry to get somewhere 45 seconds early that was tailgating us for two miles while we were going nine miles over the speed limit, stopped for speeding at some point down the road? For every Martha Stewart, who was once named the third most powerful woman in the world by the Ladies Home Journal, (quite an honor) who was convicted of lying to investigators about a stock sale, there are hundreds of businessmen twice as guilty of transacting shady business deals roaming freely (see the Bernard Madoff footnote below). These captains of industry should be fined or punished in more unappealing ways, like being forced to shave my neck beard or forced to take out ads that place into prominence the motto- “start seeing motorcycles” even if they are in the air travel industry. Yes, they must support the helmetless duffi (the plural of dufus), who use their teeth as bug guards, who ride around on their symbols of male virility who treat cars like pylons- all the while thinking that automobile drivers are the ones who must be safe enough for motorcyclists too. I digress.
Just punishment: I expect businesses to be forced to be treated less like the financial conspirator savants that the politicians allow them to be. A savant is traditionally a person with amazing capabilities or talents who cannot feel the spirit behind their creations, who cannot be moved to joy or despair, but simply plod on, without the ability to enjoy or regret. They cannot reason through someone else’s pain- some people call that empathy. Did you see the smirk on Madoff's face when confronted with aggressive cosmopolitan reporters? Those types of financial vampires have no heart for Somali Pirates, shoe-throwing Iraqi reporters or president-elect Obama, who a colleague, who voted for Obama insists will be a better president than the man currently in that office. That is the ultimate- manage expectations approach. How could Obama be worse? I would make a comparison to a former head coach of the Minnesota Vikings (Denny Green) who attempted to convince people that making the playoffs was an accomplishment worthy of celebration. I would get into the specifics of where he led only two of his teams out of the first round, twice losing home games in the opening round, going 4-8 in the playoffs, but that would take me well off topic. I would not want to become accustomed to digression. Silence!
Those without shoes and the stoics: At this time of the year, when Thanksgiving leftovers- yams, mashed potatoes, corn, turkey, to-furkey, etc. are distant memories and we traditionally begin to talk about Chinese college students who seek hugs from pandas that bite, (see "Panda Bites Student Who Just Wanted a Hug" Associated Press, November 22, 2008), which picture to use for the christmas card and governors trying to gain a financial benefit by selling a senate appointment to the highest bidder, I begin to get in the giving mood. Various charities receive my attention- Toys 4 Tots, Santas Anonymous, Sharing and Caring hands- not GM, Ford and Chrysler. I would have no idea how much certain corporations give to the needy and in many, many cases, the middle class would not be classified as needy in the traditional sense (homeless, hungry, shoeless, coatless, etc.) But the average corporation could treat the middle class, whom they are supposed to serve* and who are their biggest customer (in many cases) to a bit more of that leftover pumpkin pie. (Forgive the Thanksgiving references- my computer was unavailable for two weeks and I cannot displace the metaphor gold with more timely language.) There is certainly an arrangement, a scheme, a partnership between the captors and the politician-liaisons which very much concerns the middle class economically. The middle class is beaten back by conservative pundits for having dug their own hole in charging up their credit card to meet their desires. And in too many cases, this is certainly true. But what of those families who continue to get pay raises that do not meet the cost of living/inflation and do not charge items that overreach their earnings? How many millions of people get a 3% raise, when food, natural gas, health insurance and college tuition all continue to rise more than 3% each year? It is neither in the politician’s nor the corporate interest to attend to certain middle class requirements to any degree at all? Jonathan Swift wrote- “The stoical scheme of supplying our wants by lopping off our desires, is like cutting off our feet, when we want shoes.” Many people work hard to enjoy life and members of the middle class who own high quality computers, with anti-virus software, high-speed internet and high definition televisions should not be made to feel guilty if their credit cards are not overused, don’t eat out all the time, and aren’t QVC impulse shoppers, who would mail order a Chinese bride.
Dobbs out of a job: Lou Dobbs would be out of a job if there were any corporate responsibility laws in place. In his book (War on the Middle Class) which I have referenced or quoted from in almost half of my offerings, he includes a chapter called “Exporting America.” In the first paragraph of this chapter he writes: “Competition is the hallmark of a free enterprise economy . . . through off-shoring of production and services, the outsourcing of jobs to cheap foreign labor markets, and their support of illegal immigration, they have put the American worker into direct competition with the cheapest labor in every corner of the world.” Take it from someone who despises the American model of participation trophies where everyone is a winner and the score is always tied- not the type of competition I had in mind. There must be a punishment for these types of actions- not the stuff about the ninnyfication of the United States, but the free-wheeling ways of American corporations.
Pay for freedom: The idea that an employee of a corporation must support the means by which the company attains their globalized economy freedom is nonsensical. Corporations should continue to pursue the means to globalize their products and services, but not in an unfettered manner. Some people at my friend’s company will be “eligible” to receive a voluntary separation package. This company should be fined for using such placating language. “Freedom is not free” is an often quoted line of Benjamin Franklin’s. Most assuredly he spoke these words in reference to our nation’s fight for freedom from tyranny, the hardships endured by all who signed the Declaration of Independence, and those who fought for the tenets included in that document; however, Franklin’s words are also mindful of the middle class struggle to remain economically stable across generations. Our own government, has sanctioned freedom for corporations and it is the middle class that continues to pay for it as you will see below. Rousseau wrote- “Man was born free, and he is everywhere in chains” on the first page of “The Social Contract”. Restricting ourselves to the consideration of free market principles upheld by certain numbers of politicians, there is no reason to deny the Frenchman’s line.
Some other key words from this chapter of America’s chief export- its jobs:
Getting hammered: “Whether because of stagnant real earnings, higher mortgages, higher gasoline and heating oil prices, the rising cost of health care, or the cost of sending a kid to college, working men and women in every part of the country are getting hammered. And getting hammered during what is, by nearly every conventional standard, a period of prosperity.” (pg. 110) (Keep in mind that “War on the Middle Class” was published in 2006; since then we have seen the demise of the then very healthy housing market, the bailout of mortgage backed securities corporations, the requested bailout of major automobile manufacturers, the continued destruction of everyone’s 401K retirement savings, and at least one new CSI or Law and Order spin-off hit the airwaves. Hm, and I had written about how economically sick the middle class was when we were healthy.)
Corporate health: “Corporate America is likewise doing great, by the standard metrics of business and economics. Corporate taxes are at the lowest level in almost a hundred years. Corporate profits have risen more than 20 percent in 2005-2006, and those profits account for the largest share of national income in forty years. Corporate America is enjoying the best of times.” (pg. 110) I will here avoid quoting from the opening line of Charles Dickens’ “A Tale of Two Cities” and will not seek to parallel what is happening in the U.S. economically with either the French of English governments of the late 18th century. Rest assured, I do not plan on quoting from “The Pickwick Papers” either. Such self-restraint.
Cheap labor: “What we’re not used to, in fact, is corporate America packing up jobs in this country and shipping them abroad to produce goods and services that are then exported back into the U.S. market.” (pg. 111) As that is the case, why would corporations wholly need to benefit and American workers, whose jobs are being taken by the cheaper laborers overseas, wholly perish? Legislators, governors, presidents- hello? The entire country is crumbling, your plan might be? Be careful or I'll start throwing in the word- "proletariat" every couple of sentences and have people believing I am a Marxist.
Wage savings: “An estimate by Forrester Research states that $136 billion in wages will be taken from the United States and transferred to lower-wage countries by 2015.” Perhaps that is a conservative estimate . . . which is not an estimate by a conservative.
Airline example: “ . . . Northwest plans to eliminate eight hundred of its American flight attendants and replace them on international flights with foreign attendants who make as little [as] $250 per month. The company claims it can save more than $20 million a year by getting rid of American workers. This comes after Northwest’s employees were hit with pay reductions: Pilots took a 24 percent cut; flight attendants, 21 percent; and ground workers, 19 percent. Not affected by these substantial decreases is Northwest CEO Doug Steenland. His compensation package is nearly $4.5 million, with a guaranteed annual retirement pension of nearly $1 million.” (pg. 117) I wonder if the business unit executive at my friend’s corporation (see last time) would take a pay cut, ask for his wages to be frozen or decline any portion of his “well-earned” bonus money for seeing to it that 70 (phase 1) jobs be moved offshore. “Northwest received $250 billion in federal taxpayer money to bail it out. It then decided to hire overseas workers to staff its planes and perform maintenance work.”
Corporate world: There was a bill in place which was vetoed by governor Pawlenty (of MN) in 2007 that would have asked the taxpayer to pay a portion of an expansion subsidy ($16.5 million) for a new wing that was to be added to a legal publishing and information network company that is now in the process of off-shoring even more jobs than it had before. I mentioned how disgusting this was to a co-worker and she brought up the “relatively” low price tag. I think she used the word “only” in reference to the $16.5 million. This defense, used to justify how fiscally irresponsible legislators can be in spending our money (though not in this case- as I mentioned, the bill was vetoed- the legislators were saved by the governor), is an old and tired response to reasonable taxpayer frustration. If we took the time to add up all of the dollar amounts that are so woefully inadequate from a difference making perspective, in terms of the funding we could use to fix any number of economic problems, the insufficient total dollar amounts would not be so insufficient. Getting adults to understand this and keep them from minimizing the need for business and private industry regulations and laws to protect the consumer would be more difficult than trying to communicate to my two-year-old girl how difficult it is to digest Play-Doh.
Complicit conspiracy: While the president elect has made comments about slowing the flood of jobs being outsourced,** the Bush administration’s antics have been contemptible. Dobbs writes: “ . . . there is a virtual conspiracy of silence regarding the truth about outsourcing. Its value has been so overstated that the Bush administration had to resort to doctoring a major report that was critical of the exportation of American jobs before the last presidential election . . . a Commerce Department report on outsourcing was delayed for four months while it was rewritten to better fit the administration’s official stand. This twelve-page report cost more than three hundred thousand dollars to produce, and was delivered to Congress more than a year late. Its release came only after a Freedom of Information Act filing by a magazine called “Manufacturing and Technology News” and under pressure from the House Science Committee, which had funded the study. More disturbing than its cost and its delay is that the report presented to Congress was not the report that the analysts had written.” (read more on pg. 129) The government fooling us into submission as captives . . . only one word from the Princess Bride sums it up- “Inconceivable!” Inigo later pointed out to Vizzini after the latter had repeatedly declared how unfathomable was the diligence of the dread pirate Roberts***- “I do not think it [the word inconceivable] means what you think it means.” The politicians, as plants/emissaries on behalf of the captors/corporations in order to defraud the public/voter/captive? Not so inconceivable, and actually pretty certain.
Reality check: I do not think the rich should be punished simply for being rich. I know some people who have worked very hard to become members of the leisure class. I find the lyrics sung by Ten Years After a suitable remedy only for the socialist in you: “Tax the rich, feed the poor/Till there are no rich no more.” And, should you have a socialist in you, please let him out, he may be needed to placate Joe the Plumber. In other lyrics germane to the topic at hand news- I could have quoted from George Michael’s song “Praying for Time”: “The rich declare themselves poor.” And I could have mocked such an insinuation- boy, am I glad I didn’t do that considering the political and religious words Michael chose, about which I usually shy away from having an opinion on, especially so close to the ultimate religious holiday, with the exception of easter. Right, and next I’ll be told that a southern three-banded armadillo is a homebody whose friendship with a trumpeter swan is based on the notion of Perestroika.
RANDOM CORPORATE INTEREST COLUMNS AND COMMENTS
1) Source: “Bush Launches Last-Minute Deregulation Push” Washingtonpost.com, Jeffrey Smith, October 31, 2008.
Quotes: “The White House is working to enact a wide array of federal regulations, many of which would weaken government rules aimed at protecting consumers and the environment, before President Bush leaves office in January.” Matthew Madia, “a regulatory expert at OMB Watch, a nonprofit group critical of what it calls the Bush administration’s penchant for deregulating in areas where industry wants more freedom [called] the coming deluge ‘a last-minute assault on the public . . . happening on multiple fronts.’ ” Later in the article: “Clinton’s appointees wound up paying a heavy price for procrastination. Bush’s team was able to withdraw 254 regulations that covered such matters as drug and airline safety, immigration and indoor air pollutants. After further review, many of the proposals were modified to reflect Republican policy ideals or scrapped altogether.” This must be what happens to most of the bills I am sure legislators are proposing which would protect the American middle class.
Comments: Just what we need from our federal government- the equivalent of presidential pardons that affect more than the scalliwag let off by a president with the power to circumvent the public trust. Remember Clinton’s pardons? Neither do I, but I remember the media questioning how a president could be so shameless; even former president Carter called them “disgraceful.” Go to: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Clinton_pardons_controversy for a summary. Imagine the business transacted in the name of legitimate government involvement where the deregulation of private industry is concerned. My shuddering is mindful of the feelings of contempt, loathing and fear that Sam the snowman (voiced by Burl Ives) displays at the telling of the Abominable Snowman’s role in the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer christmas special which airs during the holiday season each year. Silver and gold are not just respected commodities in the world of misfit toys and stop action cartoons, but are also sought after by those who transact business on wall street, those transacting business with them in Washington and those who are asking for an auto bailout.
2) Source: “GM Reports 1st-Quarter Loss of $3.3 Billion” Associated Press, April 30, 2008.
Quotes: “Excluding the one-time items, GM lost $350 million, or 62 cents per share, beating Wall Steet’s expectations. Analysts surveyed by Thomson Financial had expected a loss of $160 per share.” Oh goody, quite a break. “GM lost $812 million in North America, compared with a loss of $208 million in the year-ago quarter. Its U.S. market share remained flat at 22 percent. The company said earlier this week that it is cutting production of some trucks and SUVs at four U.S. plants, resulting in 3,500 layoffs.” I believe each of the major three auto manufacturers will be taking a longer break this holiday season than normal because of the state of the economy.
Comments: The reason that GM would cut its production appears to be the direct result of gasoline costing so much through the first nine months of the year. Or is that too much of a conspiracy theory? Quite a happy accident for an automobile manufacturer to be able justify the elimination of American jobs because no one is buying that product because of the high price of gasoline, among other reasons. Still, I cannot prove that is the case, so it must not be true. Hell, I’ll come write out with it- car and oil companies would not be working together would they? Nah; we’re far too naïve to contend that. People will ask, “why would they do that, and price themselves out of the market?” I would answer- “they’ve been doing it, and we are talking of bailing them out aren’t we?” Whiners usally get their way- just so we can shut them up. I don't expect that talk of an auto bailout will stop. A billionaire, one of the richest people in the country, Carl Pohlad, finally got his new stadium bill pushed through the Minnesota legislature after bitching for at least twelve years for it and threatening to move the team on a number of instances.
3) Source: “Economy Seen Sliding into Deep Recession” Jeannine Aversa, St. Paul Pioneer Press, Business Section (1C, 3C), October 31, 2008.
Quotes: “Scared and out of money, Americans stopped buying everything from cars to corn flakes in the July-September quarter, ratcheting back spending by the largest amount in 28 years and jolting the national economy into what could be the most painful recession in decades.” And “Clobbered by pink slips, shrinking nest eggs and falling home values, consumers are holding ever tighter to their wallets . . . Americans’ disposable income fell at an annual rate of 8.7 percent in the quarter, the largest in records dating back to 1947.” Next year, I had planned on getting new windows for the living room because ours are no more effective than swiss cheese would be at keeping air out of the house. We now will have to measure each decision that costs any measureable amount of money because I could be out of a job in a year or so.
Comments: Don’t forget reasons such as health care costs that never go down, rising college tuition, stagnant wages, but stop if you’ve read that all before, like- when the idea of a recession was more speculative and constantly denied. I included the quote about the fact that Americans have stopped buying cars for a reason- see #2 immediately preceding and keep in mind how slowly American car manufacturers are to come around to the idea of designing more fuel efficient cars to compete with the global market. No wonder we imported 700,000 cars from South Korea in 2005 (see part 39). The economic news has been so terrible the past six months that if the movie Good Will Hunting came out this year people would think it was about people looking for bargains at the local second-hand goods store.
4) Source: “At Northwest Airlines: Meet the New Boss" (with a subtitle being “Delta Exec Says No Big Changes Soon”) John Welbes, St. Paul Pioneer Press, Business Section (1C, 3C), October 31, 2008.
Quotes: Not worth it.
Comments: Let’s see what happens after the 18-month integration is over and see how many people are laid off, how much ticket prices rise, how much they begin to charge for checking bags, plastic cups filled with ice and in flight lap massages. We’ll also track how much this ceo claims as a reward for such measures- remember this name- Bastian. I would be more surprised if this guy never makes any moves which will cause air travelers to despise him at some future date than if someone acquired a virus from their own website.
5) Source: Investment advice disclaimer: My place of employment, November 2008.
Quotes: I’ll just list the common verbiage common to many articles about financial investment: market fluctuation, volatility, investment portfolio, bear market, risk management, stocks, bonds, pervasive unemployment, diversification, investment vehicle, dollar-cost averaging, rule of 72, “Stock market values are a share of future profits. When future profit expectations fall, stock prices fall.” 401K, retirement, hosed. I added that last one.
Comments: Perhaps we should find people whose expectations are a little more manageable, like the average person who thinks they are living in a democracy. Perhaps we should return to the days where trading for real commodities was acceptable- we could again begin to value the pelt of albino squirrels in exchange for cane sugar that had less than 10 particles of sand per million.
6) Source: Ralph Nader’s book- “The Good Fight” from a chapter which addresses corporate crime. This list comes from that chapter.
Crack Down on Corporate Crime
1) “Track the Extent and Cost of Corporate Crime . . . The FBI should also produce an annual corporate and white-collar crime report as an analogue to its ‘Crime in the United States’ report, which focuses on street crime.”
2) “Increase Corporate Crime Prosecution Budgets.”
3) “Ban Corporate Criminals from Government Contracts.”
4) “Crack down on Corporate Tax Avoidance. Punish corporate tax escapees by closing the offshore reincorporation loophole and banning government contracts and subsidies for companies that relocate their headquarters to an offshore tax haven. Give the IRS more power and resources to go after corporate tax cheats. Require publicly traded corporations to make their tax returns public.”
5) “Restore the Rights of Defrauded Investors.”
6) “Democratize Corporate Governance. Grant shareholders the right to democratically nominate and elect the corporate board of directors . . . introducing cumulative voting and competitive elections. Require shareholders to approve all major business decisions, including executive compensation.”
7) “Rein in Excessive Executive Pay.”
8) “Regulate Derivatives Trading.”
9) “Expand Disclosure. Enact corporate sunshine laws that force corporations to provide better information about their records on the environment, human rights, worker safety , and taxes, as well as their criminal and civil litigation records.” When I was young and had done something worthy of a spanking, it was the embarrassment of getting pulled over my dad’s knee in front of my sisters that would deter me from acting in a manner that was not appreciated, not the pain of the spanking. Although, with these corporations everyone writes about being so evil, both deterrents may be necessary.
10) “End Conflicts of Interest on Wall Street.”
11) “Fix the Pension System.” I've already written about pensions -see part 29.
12) “Foster a National Discussion on Corporate Power. Establish a Congressional Commission on Corporate Power to explore various legal and economic proposals that would rein in unaccountable giant corporations.” In this one, Nader asks that corporations not be treated as “ ‘persons’ under our Constitution.” Silly man, asking that an ambiguously constructed 220-year-old document be a vibrant, living manifestation of the public trust be brought up to date. Inconceivable! The Supreme Court recently interpreted the second amendment, concluding that one need not be a member of “A well-regulated militia” to carry a gun and formerly (in 1973) strangely interpreted the 14th amendment to allow for abortions. Personally, I cannot fault either decision, but the bases of each of the rulings, and many others based on the Constitution is a little speculative. What in the hell did Madison and the rest of the founders mean by their words is not likely a question that is going to be answered by the authors of that historic document. The amendment in most need of being reinterpreted is the first. Until the court is delivered a case which tests the ambiguous protections inherent in the first amendment, a vast number of things wrong with this country will continue to go unresolved- for example- campaign finance, corporate interest protections, taxes, the rising costs of college tuition, the insinuation that foreigners can reside in our country and be offended by our culture and customs to the point of a lawsuit, unregistered lobbyists, puma eugenics, the rights of cameras in the presence of John Daly,***** and the requirement that Ted McGinley star or guest star in at least 10 sitcoms per decade, etc.
There, that is a list****** for people who figure that all Independents do is complain about the country's ills without offering any solutions. Independents do not presume as much as democrats and are more inexperienced in the shamelessness it takes to canvass the entire state, seeking to occupy a vacant New York senate seat. An Independent can be just as unqualified as the next man . . . or woman in that aim.
AUTO BAILOUT
Source: “Auto Bailout's Death Seen as a Republican Blow at Unions” Los Angeles Times, December 13, 2008.
Quotes: “The congressional push to help U.S. automakers was generally cast in terms of protecting the reeling national economy from another body blow -- the collapse of one or more of Detroit's Big Three. But in killing the stopgap rescue plan worked out by President Bush and congressional Democrats, conservative Republicans -- many from right-to-work states across the South -- struck at an old enemy: organized labor.”
Comments: Let one of the three fail- either allow one of them to go bankrupt or allow a Chrysler and GM merger,******* as has been discussed. Make sure the suppliers, that every expert interviewed maintains must not fail, are taken care of or we may have bigger problems. If there is a bailout plan, the concessions by the auto manufacturers that are assisted should be made public and enforced, much like the concessions made by the financial industry companies that were bailed out this fall . . . hahahaha. That’s never going to happen- and likely, neither is the enforcement the average American would demand. Pass legislation that requires automobile manufacturers to improve fuel efficiency and greenhouse gas emissions or they will suffer the consequences. Gone is the time when the automobile manufacturers can price-fix the going rate on cars without improving the quality, while cheaper alternatives are being shipped into our country at an automobile exchange rate that should shame anyone involved with the big three (Ford, GM and Chrysler) paying attention with a hand in pricing, and in making design and efficiency related decisions. Those are proposed solutions; those voting for democrats and republicans are going to have to fabricate a new complaint about Independents. What we do not need is politicians voting down a bill for revenge. Besides, getting back at union members won’t win you any elections; everyone knows you must begin to court Mexicans and people from Latin America before they legally get the right to vote. I hear republicans may be campaigning in Nicaragua starting in April. It is never too early to begin to spend the $500 million you are going to need to get the white house in 2012. If you start spending that early, you can justify having $5,000 plate dinners by mid-summer. This is my christmas shopping philosophy- if I get done early enough, I can actually enjoy the holiday season, though I am not making political promises and lying to people about the type of gifts they’ll receive/bills I’ll introduce and sign once they help me into office. Now, when did that metaphor go wrong?
Noteworthy second side to this story: “One of the leading opponents of the auto bailout, Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.), said: ‘Year after year, union bosses have put their interests ahead of the workers they claim to represent. Congress never should have given these unions this much power, and now is the time to fix it.’ ” I have written many times about a politician’s unique ability to act when they should not have and to remain still when they ought to have done something. This is a prime example.
ECONOMY
Irony: I was home this morning, for the first day of my holiday vacation from a job I have a 5% chance of retaining into 2010, watching the news and looking up articles on the internet that concern the economy, the private market, free enterprise, Bernard Madoff, auto bailouts, etc. and it occurred to me how much we actually have in common with the Chinese.
Splash: I was reading this article from the Washington Post- “With Strikes, China’s Middle Class Vents Anger” December 17, 2008, and it made me think about how long ago I predicted class warfare in our own country. The politicians are currently doing very little to stop what might be an American Civil War down the road. The article I read features these words- “China’s government has long feared the rise of labor movements, banning unauthorized unions and arresting those who speak out for workers’ rights. The strikes, driven in part by China’s economic downturn, have caught officials off guard . . . Urban workers say they are worried about being unable to pay for their children’s college education, missing payments on car loans, and not having enough money left each month to dine out with friends or go on vacation.” These are all valid middle class concerns that I have commented on, ad nauseum, somewhat presciently for the better part of 18 months. I could not have predicted the economic downturn necessarily, but I certainly saw the political deregulation which would author the financial illegitimacy of the middle class.
These Chinese make bigger splash: The government took away bonuses from some auxiliary police officers so they seized control of a Communist party office; “more than 1,000 teachers . . . went on strike over unpaid allowances. The teachers accused the local government of misappropriating 400 million yuan, or about $60 million, over the past 10 years.” Chinese “taxi drivers said their income had fallen because of the rising number of illegal taxis that the government had allowed to proliferate . . . Some of the braver taxi drivers began talking about a strike******** in the fall, but everyone had been afraid to act” one driver said. It is tough all over and while fear can be a great motivator, it can also be a great equalizer against action. Have I not written about: the likelihood of lost pensions for police officers, teachers and others (part 29)? . . . About how disgruntled members of the middle class have been even before this drastic decline in the economy?
Tiresome blame game: Head members of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, AIG, Lehman Brothers, etc. were all recently severely questioned (very scary) by congress. There was not much in the way of claimed responsibility spread among those being interrogated and those shining the light on the excesses of the financial industry. Those “in charge” of regulating the financial industries were also blamed, by congress, for our current economic position. On the news this morning, I saw that a member of the SEC was blaming congress for not passing laws that would have strengthened the abilities of those regulating the financial companies, never minding that congress had decided, over the last decade, to extensively deregulate. And as this man was speaking, I reasoned that the SEC would also be blameworthy in this mess. I have mentioned the SEC’s incompetence, lack of diligence, or lack of power to regulate the financial industry in numbers 11, 17, 21, 36 and 37 of this overall topic. Another person responsible for this economic mess, especially at this time of the year- Barbara Streisand. She is the songstress that could raise the blood pressure of a dairy cow with that worst of all renditions of any christmas song ever recorded.
Market the Blame game: It has occurred to me to design a board game I will simply call- Government. In this game, participants may choose game pieces symbolic of the type of government they would like to head while playing the game. There will be an Oligarchy game piece, which will be an eagle with its head down in shame- there is a flightless symbol of America’s freedom at the Minnesota Zoo. There will be a Communism game piece in the shape of a buzzard- (this game piece will be nearly indistinguishable from the eagle game piece) just like in real life. When distributing blame in the American and in the world’s financial and economic markets, there is surely enough to go around. As adults, I would expect more people to own up to their role in the demise of everyone’s economic standing. My two children are not as adept at deflecting blame when they allege that the other is at fault for the Alpha Bit that someone threw onto the floor, but they are almost 4 and just over 2.
Happy Holidays: If I can find the time, between catching up burning family videos onto DVDs, fixing a door, eating Christmas cookies, drinking Captain Cokes, shopping and contemplating taking the voluntary termination package that I have the “opportunity” to be “eligible” for, I may produce a bonus column, largely written before the George Michael virus made our old computer sick. Yeah, Merry christmas. A hibernating grasshopper with amusia (tone deafness) which is an inability to recognize musical tones or rhythms claims more posthumous responsibility for Pythagorus’ belief concerning the music of the spheres (which he contended only the inspired and gifted could hear), than a politician/ liaison, millionaire investment banking fraud magnate, automobile industry decision maker, Securities and Exchange Commission representative, or airline executive has claimed for our economic nightmare. If a synchronized-diving Chinese panda bit me when I tried to give it a hug- I'd bite it back . . . now that would make a splash.
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* No? Imagine what corporations, businesses, institutions, etc. would be taking in in terms of income without any customers.
** From pcworld.com:
“India's outsourcing industry is in private a little jittery after Senator Barack Obama's victory in the U.S. presidential election. But there is the expectation in industry circles that in the end economic pragmatism will prevail. Obama said in his acceptance speech of the Democratic Party's presidential nomination that as president, he would stop giving tax breaks to companies that ship jobs overseas, and start giving them to companies that create jobs in the U.S.”
*** He has no affiliation with the Somolian**** pirate version.
**** Can any humor be found in the verbally-pronounced likeness of the words Somalian and simolean- the latter being an underused, fancy synonym for cash? After all, the former say all they want is the latter. Ok, guess not.
***** I am surprised several of the cameras used to photograph former Wall Street money manager Bernard Madoff did not suffer a similar fate, considering how aggressive their operators were being. If I were out on $10 million bail during a $50 billion investment fraud case, I certainly would have been justified in returning the shove I had received- or maybe I would have just taken the abuse after having orchestrated a “Ponzi scheme that has left people in [financial] ruin around the globe.” (See, “Curfew for Madoff as New Condition of Bail” MSNBC.com news service, December 17, 2008.) See also- “Madoff Surrounded by Mob of Cameras After Court” Associated Press, December 18, 2008. I also saw the video on The Today Show. Half of the latter article referenced in this note concerns the inadequacy of the Securities and Exchange Commission to monitor events in the financial world that trickle down to cripple all classes of people. Now, I wonder when I would have brought that up before- in part 11- No. 9, in an article I posted October 26, 2007. Surely, others had recognized the complete inadequacy of the SEC to be in charge of any type of regulation, but I am a dope, with barely the requisite IQ to follow any technical financial matters. So, if I could see the government’s deficiencies in this area that tells you about the level of corruption firmly in place.
****** This is not a comprehensive list. I have ideas of my own. I had considered a few of these prior to having encountered them in Nader’s book.
******* The possibility of a merger concerns me, just as any merger of powerful entities combining forces, because of the extreme possibility of a monopoly in an industry- whether the merger involves financial institutions, radio station owners, electronics superstores, automobile manufacturers, youth athletic team stacking, or two rival Chinese female high-divers who decide to join forces for the Olympic synchronized diving competition. All of these mergers are likely to make too big a splash in the national market which could negatively impact Americans, excepting the high-divers who made very little splash at all, which is good when you are diving for scores. The only time it may be good, by definition, for two entities to come together is if they are having a simultaneous orgasm. Yes, I am crude, but to show you how serious I can be- Milton Friedman, in “Capitalism and Freedom”, seemed at least as preoccupied with the possibility of monopoly as with the redistribution of wealth.
******** I have not given this a lot of thought, but if there is one thing I would advise a working group of Chinese people not to do- it is to not go on strike. They have like a Ka-zillion citizens over there, and probably plenty that would readily replace those who leave work to combat a Communist government. There must be rampant unemployment over there, which is completely unlike what we are facing here. That career approach would make less sense than trying to reasonably confront an oligarchic government . . . like ours, where the politicians respond passive-aggressively, if at all. If I were a small child in need of discipline, I might rather like to be imprisoned or caned, or run over by a tank, than ignored. I think that the average child psychologist, who would claim that a child welcomes a beating, that at least shows you care, to the cold shoulder treatment approach, preferred by the average American politician. One more thing we have in common- illegal taxi cab drivers.
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