Imus[t] Confess- Beloved Racism and Endangered Species

No topic in the country is as instantly dividing as the topic of racism- though immigration should be a much larger issue than racism, those two issues are hardly mutually exclusive.

Dangered: Minorities in this country are treated like endangered species in the wild. They may not be protected by a wildlife federation, but are protected by liberals who are training us to not offend them and not be disgruntled by what they are allowed to get away with. And that to me- is offensive! George Bernard Shaw wrote- “a conscience is anxiously explanatory.” This means that the second we realize how uncomfortable we are after having said or done something that someone somewhere will consider controversial- (depend upon it . . . I've been there . . . several times) we may attempt to justify it and after that, when it cannot be justified- we apologize for it- so it is with Don Imus. We feel guilty when our conscience holds us accountable when the law or religion are not made to intervene, but we all don't feel guilty- do we?

Government Intervention: It is best to not express a viewpoint about Black people or Mexicans, or Muslims, etc., because they will find some way to take the white man to task, will ask for his firing, his resignation, his social ostracism, his incarceration. Seriously, some have called for government intervention. What Imus said was completely ridiculous, but we cannot ask the government to police the airwaves or all that we will be able to listen to is music- songs we’ve heard a thousand times, or rap music, “sung,” chanted, or bellowed very often by black men who say worse things than Imus has on the same subject, and who are far more racist than he should be considered to be.

I must Say: Imus is a potential racist, and a moron, but still should not be fired from his job unless Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are completely, entirely, and unendingly muted, (think social castration), for their rage against the white man would be lessened and they would not be so aggressive. The white man who gives them a voice does not need to run to them when another in a long line of race issues becomes the ultimate topic of the week. For christ’s sake Snoop Dog even weighed in and attempted to justify how he can continue to call women hoes in his rap songs without ever being banned for it. This is like a bitch hyena cub, given the ability to speak, rationalizing why it can maul and kill its siblings before any of the other cubs can gain a footing in the world, or leave the den for the first time simply because it is the more dominant offspring. Yeah, I’ve been watching Animal Planet’s “The Most Extreme” again.

Who'se amiss: I didn’t even know who Imus was prior to this week’s comment by him about the appearance and potential involvement in the sexual trade of the Rutgers University female basketball players. They are, according to Imus- “nappy-headed hoes.” And I do not believe he has the idea of a garden implement with a crotcheted yarn cozy affixed to the top of the handle. Synchronicity is amazing; I wasn’t sure about how to spell “crochet” so I looked it up on google and the sixth entry brings this quotation by Samuel Butler, from Thomas Love Peacock’s “Crochet Castle” which is considerably applicable:

Should once the world resolve to abolish
All that's ridiculous and foolish,
It would have nothing left to do,
To apply in jest or earnest to.

I must reiterate- there are just as many, if not more, black racists in this country based on the percentage of the black population as compared to the white, as there are white racists. (See Seymour Correctly’s Sneetches and Racism- Jan. 3rd, and Racism Part II Jan. 12th)

Hypocryphal: I briefly heard that Al Sharpton, on his program, was lecturing Imus about his comments, and I must say that I would rather- practice self love watching an ostrich with a low IQ have intercourse with a vegan blow up doll suffering from scurvy than continue to listen to racists like Sharpton or Jesse Jackson be the spokes-men for an entire race, especially when members of their own race do not even appreciate what they have to say. Jackson and Sharpton are Hypocrites! The three members of the Duke lacrosse team who were recently exonerated from the alleged rape of a black stripper have not received an apology from Jackson, who stated that he will not give one, though he found them guilty because they were honkeys. Course, all I can do is write a dopey blog that no one reads.

Suspend my disbelief: I would like to allow a Macgyver wannabe with tourettes to harvest the energy in a bolt of lightning by recycling a used filament from a 60 watt light bulb and have it duct-taped to my urethra to benefit the night reading habits of cockroaches like Sharpton and Jackson so they might peruse self-help books such as the "Idiot's Guide on how not to be a Racist." Imus should not be fired, not because I condone anything being said about the consistency of the hair-follicles on anyone’s head, but because this is supposed to be the land of free speech and last time I looked- Rush Limbaugh still has a show and Larry King, to borrow a line my buddy used on Jessica Tandy as seen in Fried Green Tomatoes- is so old he could be the stunt double for the Tales from the Crypt crypt-keeper. Pacman Jones, a Tennessee Titans defensive back, was recently suspended for the entire 2007 season due to the cumulative effect of incidents that continue to bring the NFL image problems. Can’t we suspend people like Sharpton and Jackson for being the causes of just as many racial relations issues as white people? Sharpton’s infidelity with reason has me less interested in desiring to have my ears continue to work and more interested in having a life-partner relationship with a pet pig with incurable e-coli.

The Most Extreme: The most dominant sand shark offspring in the womb eats his siblings before they are born, and scorpion offspring, if they stay too long on their mother’s back, are consumed by their mother. Unfortunately, Sharpton and Jackson are not sand sharks or scorpions. My hunch is that given the level of hysteria and insecurity displayed through the actions and words of Sharpton, Jackson and other racist blacks- they would have been the weaker offspring and would have been more than endangered- they would have been extinct- consumed by their siblings- and so, we never would have heard from them.

'Tis Time: It might be time to give Mexicans, blacks, Muslims, even Native-Americans their own radio talk shows. Sooner or later they will say something stupid, offensive and worthy of being chastised for. In fact, I’m for it; let us have the voice of all people represented. As long as they don’t say anything derogatory about another race, or our American way of life in their language, or lord forbid- in ours, I’m fine with that.

Fine Old Cannibals: We have had a run of stupid comments by people- Mel Gibson (about Jews), Michael Richards (blacks), Tim Hardaway (gays), Michael Ray Richardson (Jews); Imus will not be the last- (Hardaway and Richardson are black by the way). I have heard two interviews of black male columnists on sports radio talk-shows the last four days (Jason Whitlock on KFAN- in Minnesota and Shaun Powell on ESPN based out of Connecticut with Dan Patrick) and both of them are turning the microscope on their own race and focusing in on the problems caused and more importantly, ignored, by their fellow black men. After Powell appeared on ESPN, a man who identified himself as black emailed the show and called Powell an “Uncle Tom” for taking the white man’s money and being critical of the evils of black men and their ignorance. There was hate in his words and you could feel the emailer's anger, feel him seething as Patrick read his words. There are thousands and thousands of black men like him- racists who are allowed to get away with being racists because they are minorities. Hell, cannibals at the dinner table have more etiquette and better taste.