Racism Part II- (Guest columnist- Seymour Correctly)

Ok, so this will not have much to do with Sneetches- as I just used that to set up the argument in Part I.

Disclaimer: Much like Janus’ take on immigrants- (that he would rather trade some of the white-trash in this country, for immigrants here legally, who will play by our rules) I will also take this stance. I would support a victim, defend an acquaintance, and honor the memory of any black person- and I don’t believe having to qualify it in that way should be the focus of the reader (to the extent there is one) of this offering. I would entrust my well-being to the many black citizens I’ve known who are as fundamentally good as any white person.

Never the Twain shall meet: Mark Twain wrote: “Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.” On the topic of racism and nearly every topic that comes to mind- you can find “facts” or information, dressed in numbers (with argument-accessories such as percentages, fractions, decimals) So, if I don’t have too many facts on the topic of racism, while there may be some, they are always going to be considered distorted by the person on the other side of the argument. If I told you that 50% of blue-eyed 80 year-old southpaws with enlarged prostates, and a blood sugar .0007 milliliters higher than average, who live in suburbs of Tallahasee voted democratic in the last presidential election what would that information do for you? Facts, while important, are not as important as significant truth- and as truth is subjective- good luck finding comprehensive, objective, quantifiable truth in many arguments that proves your case, or disproves another’s, for your opponent will bastardize “your” numbers and make you each look like pimps.

“Edit” (eeedit): Archie Bunker is probably the most famous racist and I instantly think of him in connection with this topic. I did a google search for: “famous racists”. The search engine returned articles on Jesse Helms, Strom Thurmond, William Rehnquist, Michael Richards and Mel Gibson. The list seems a little incomplete for my taste. I think Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and Louis Farrakhan are noticeably absent. Hey, the former five have too many strikes against them to save them from being considered racists, but so should the latter three. Farrahkan was one of the major draws at an event called “The Million Man March” that protested the result of the 2004 congressional elections- which only allowed black men to participate. And Sharpton and Jackson, if you haven’t been paying attention, bookend the volume of black citizens supposed to have been slighted, in one manner or another, and outlandishly support them in a manner that is bon-a-fide criminal . . . and racist I might add. Jackson and Sharpton actually believe what they think. That make sense? Believe what they think? Yes, that is what I mean- even if it does sound like a Yogi Berra line from an Aflac commercial.

I would rather: . . . befriend a bi-sexual camel with a speech impediment . . . have a mannequin fetish. . . be cursed with scurvy in space dodging meteorites with cut outs of an ex-wife who moved to Wichita thirty-five years ago . . . deliver sushi on my buttocks to Elton John’s dressing room while he and his domestic partner are on a “break” . . . have my ears bled by having “author” Gloria Estefan read me her pathetic excuse for a children’s book . . . suffer a groin injury more serious than Marion Gaborik's by attempting to bite off the calluses from my big toe than to incessantly hear any more charges of racism against anyone. We clearly need to take the right to be offended away from anyone whose litmus test for being offended is the equivalent of claiming ones toe was stubbed on a doggy chew toy.

The numbers don’t lie: Oh hell, I can’t cite a percentage of people who are racist or who have made a racist charge- or more difficult still- think racist thoughts. Proving this is difficult and is better left to the court of public opinion- which is where the OJ trial should have been conducted. The number of black NFL head coaches in 2006 was less than 20% and praising the firing of Denny Green, which further reduces the percentage, isn’t racist; the number of black owners, athletic directors, and general managers is terribly small in comparison to the percentage of athletes participating in major sports- no numbers will look good here. A recent tv commercial tells that 40,000 deaths were linked to second-hand smoke in the past year- do you think that tobacco companies and smokers would agree with that number? Do you think companies who make a serious prophet from the production and use of emission fuels would support the numbers about average temperatures going up, polar ice-caps melting and El Nino when those numbers are in connection with the likelihood that the era of global warming is upon us because of these emission fuels? No, they would simply hire a company to skew the numbers their way.

Here I would have addressed the socio-economic disparity between poor and rich as the larger issue- Janus has told me to focus on the notion of racist charges rather than to open up another can of worms.

Some racist observations- Whites have not had exclusionary million man marches comprised of only white men. After a basket-brawl last month in New York, Knicks player Steve Francis mentioned that the amount of coverage following the brawl was racist. More than 75% of the NBA is comprised of blacks. No one cares what you have to say about suspected racially motivated NEWS coverage when multiple BLACK men desire to beat the living hell out of each other- when you are paid to throw a ball through a metal ring- you don't have any respectible perpective. Blacks have their own television channel- BET; whites do not. When a white leader criticizes the leadership and demeanor of its own race (just as Bill Cosby did against his own race) he/she is not called an Uncle Tom. There is a Miss Black USA pageants- there are not Miss White USA pageants. Hell, when Ted Danson dressed in black-face, it was racist . . . even though a black woman comedian, and his girlfriend at the time, (Whoopi Goldberg) advised him to do so. The result was more unfunny and pathetic than it was racist. Hey, when was the last time a white person was spotted on the WB? The Yehti is more accessible. I would delve into topics such as affirmative action policies, racial profiling quibbles, the affront that is minority hiring practices in major college and professional sports, Rush Limbaugh’s thoughts on Donovan Mcnabb, Jackie Robinson specifically and the breaking of the color barrier in pro sports generally, slavery reparations, Muhammed Ali's war with the US government, the possibility of Colin Powell ever running for president and the use of colored drinking fountains well into the 1960s, but I don’t have the space to trot out someone’s idea of numerical, statistical legitimacy.

McMonkey McBean: I believe this is what McBean would have said- had the Sneetches all been comfortable with their star-belly status- whereby, he would not have been able to make money-
Those darn Sneetches are too comfortable here-
I cannot approach them on the beach it is clear,
For they seem too content with their star-belly status
So I’ll have to find out where the cat in the hat is.
I’ll change him- I hope he is not like these Sneetches.
For all of these Sneetches are just sons-of-a-beaches.

The cure for Racism: Here is the simple solution- the panacea- to use one of Janus' words- white thugs- continue to buy the cds of black rappers so that they’ll eventually discover that white kids are the people financially supporting them; black men and women- stop saying that everyone and everything is racist- cement, manilla folders, sheets of paper, etc- it is hard for these things to defend themselves- hmmm. Paracelsus, a Swiss alchemist and physician mentioned that- the dose makes the poison. This means that the amount of something can be harmful- so, while three Tylenol can cure a headache, 50 could kill you. I just mean that you take away impact, for the dose- the number of times the charge of racism is used will eventually, (one can hope) minimize the effect. So, it renders a legitimate charge meaningless, and even I do not wish it to be so. In short, slighted blacks cry wolf far too often. Along with that, let us also punish Liberal apologists who metaphorically had the stars removed from their bellies long ago- stop bending over backwards to legitimize bogus racist charges! The liberals are like the attorneys who will take any case if it offers them the chance to cash in whether it be monetarily or conscience-clearing (thinking slavery reparations here) for something their neighbor's great-great-great-grandfather might have done. Case in point- an attorney took the case on behalf of the black strippers who concocted the idea they were raped by three white Duke lacrosse players. I believe that attorney might be facing charges that could lead to his disbarment. Apparently, as Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are not in prison- being a prick is not a crime- not even when you're a black racist.

After having written this, as a white man, I can’t prove I’m not a racist; but, as a black man, after reading it you may have just as much to prove.