American Idol- Idolize Honesty

HeHeHeHeHe: I think it was Butthead from Beavis and Butthead fame who said something like- in order to know what is cool you have to know what sucks. I could quote Alexander Pope’s famous couplet about poets and critics who are partial to their wit and judgment respectively, and I could talk about "relative motion" and chiarascuro, the latter is an artistic device used by artists such as Rembrandt to represent their subjects with extreme contrasts between light and darkness, but I won't do that this time- I'll just get to it.:

American Idol: A couple months ago I wrote about delusional qualities and often the main theme of either my or my guest columnists offerings addresses the idea of objectivity or judgment, or judgment about one’s objectivity (ie. Of people having delusional qualities because of an objectivity dysfunction) . This column is about delusional qualities as it pertains to talent- specifically noting that the American Idol auditions are televised on Tuesday and Wednesday nights at this time of the year.

Lest Ye Be Judged: Enough people have complained about the qualifications of the judges, their abrasiveness (Simon Cowell), physical appearance (Randy Jackson), or mental capacity, given suspected substance-abuse (Paula Abdul). While I can’t always agree with Simon, he is the one, of the three, providing the best criticism and the most spot on advice. Now, when he tells someone they are fat, or that they look like an African monkey, well, that is insight I’d just as soon he swallowed, because it is a singing competition. Would you tell a person with terrible eyesight that they aren’t very good at suffering through paralytic shellfish poisoning? Right- they have nothing to do with each other. You may be dumbfounded by the analogy. Sorry ‘bout that- just work it out. His criticism is entertaining, and it is part of the reason that even those who complain about it, watch the show- in record numbers. When one contestant asked what they could do to improve their performance- Simon said “leave”. You can’t beat comments like that. Everyone is a critic and the biblical verse that states- “judge not, lest ye be judged.” That is what we do in this country, we observe and acknowledge the fact that we have observed by commenting on what we see.

Honesty- is such a lonely word: Not that I’m the equivalent of a Supreme Court Justice when it comes to judging talent, where singing is concerned- I’m a layman when it comes to musical talent, seem to be tone deaf and acknowledge that a blind pig could play a better riff on the guitar. “If I’m being honest” (to use a pet phrase of Simon’s) I would make the ears of a bandicoot bleed if it heard me sing. But, much like I don’t think one needs to be a parent in order to have an acceptable opinion about how relatives, in-laws, or complete strangers parent their children, I don’t need to be a singer in order to have an opinion about who can sing and who cannot. I do think I have the pre-requisites of judgment and objectivity in order to back Simon in his successful attempts to humiliate the hell out of people who have absolutely no talent for singing- but legitimately think they do. And, by doing so, he is providing Americans with some much needed entertainment in this worst of all months- (January) even if it was named after me.

More Animal Comparisons: I am not saying that you destroy the dream of a stranger, or your own child for that matter, by telling them that they are ugly, throw like a giraffe, can’t play the banjo using their own back hair, or are terrible at athletic, academic or artistic endeavors. The reasonably good, who have the work ethic or natural talent and want to improve should be encouraged to stick with it. But the absolutely horrendous, who are lazy, maniacal, apathetic, subjective blow-hards who sustain themselves by eating their own BS should be ridiculed until they weep uncontrollably and are resolved to discontinue the pursuit of something for which they don’t want to work hard enough. Or, if they weren’t lucky enough to have fate intervene to visit talent upon them, and they keep unwittingly subjecting relatives and friends to a tone emenating from their mouth so bad that the posture of a Meerkat is severely affected by their wanting to cover their ears while they stand to look for predators- well, it is time to give up.

Accountability: The only thing missing from the equation when criticism is constructively and objectively doled out is accountability on the part of those who are receiving the critique. Can they look at themselves in the mirror and sans delusion, ego, cognitive dissonance, and devoid of narcissism- recognize the fact- to put it bluntly- that they suck. I think we have far too many spineless parents delaying the inevitable of telling their son or daughter that they suck- and that they should stop making people feel like they have to lie to them. Parents and friends must be accountable too.

Won what I've worked for: Now, I haven’t won much in my life in terms of awards or trophies, or even the hearts of the opposite sex for that matter- but I know this- I’ve won what I’ve worked for. These kids today are handed everything- EVERYTHING!- allowance money they haven't worked for, video game systems that have lost their novelty two weeks after Christmas, bicycles, automobiles. But the thing that is most harmful to them is the faint praise delivered to them by a parent whom they should rather respect for their honesty, for their ability to say NO, or STOP, or DON’T, or here is how you do this, or let me help you, or YOU HAVE TO WORK HARDER! These parents need to tell their kids to work harder or to blame them for their lack of talent, because mom or dad didn't recessively carry the good at singing gene or the good at being amusing gene. Or, parents could tell their kids to blame god (HAHAHAHA).