What's wrong with:
STAR WARS
The Empire Strikes Back
ESB is in the conversation with The Godfather Part II, Aliens, The Dark Knight, and The Bourne Supremacy, as sequels that were better than the originals when the originals were very good. Sorry, Wrath of Khan, that first Star Trek movie was too low a bar to clear.
I bought a Time, special edition magazine for $15 last year, subtitled, "40 Years of the Force." In it, were chronicled the laborious results of Lucas' writing process, original reviews of all the movies to date, tidbits and factoids about the characters, and the actors who portrayed them, and about Abrams, the new director of TFA. I had seen it written that the reviews for ESB were negative. The review written by Gerald Clarke for the May 19, 1980 Time magazine was not:
"Sequels of giant hits, like children who follow . . . always have an unfair burden. They are not examined on their own merits but in relationship to the picture everyone loved. In many ways Lucas and director Irvin Kershner have overcome that handicap. The Empire Strikes Back is a more polished and in some ways, a richer film. But to imitate Yoda's way of speaking, and to answer the obvious question, as much fun it is not."
That does not seem like an indictment of ESB. Plenty of others I have read are even more welcoming to the achievements of episode V. Others are not, but those tweets, twits, and other social media respondents, or article writers, like one I used to base my review of TLJ, make it seem like those, like myself, who pretend their youth is being destroyed by these new installments, would have you believe that ESB was just as widely panned as TFA and TLJ.
The biggest difference in the responses to any movie, let alone one so revered, from 40 years ago and today, is that I don't need to be employed by Time Magazine or Entertainment Weekly, or be famous, for my opinion to matter. For it to be read, is another matter entirely. The ironic thing is that those who are paid to review movies, and have the outlet (articles published online, or that still appear in newspapers or magazines), ridicule those who don't have that outlet. Those who do have the outlet, suppose their view is more legitimate, valued, well-written and their opinions matter more. None of that is necessarily true. Don't get me wrong, there are complete goofballs out there and all of those who are, are incapable of recognizing it, just as those who are paid to watch and write about movies, are incapable of realizing how overvalued their contributions to criticism might be.
On with the defect worthy, and redeeming material from ESB. I've got only this breakdown:
Low (3), Medium (1), High (3), Serious (0), Critical (1)- that's 8, the same number as Rogue One.
On with the defect worthy, and redeeming material from ESB. I've got only this breakdown:
Low (3), Medium (1), High (3), Serious (0), Critical (1)- that's 8, the same number as Rogue One.
1) The special edition Wampa scenes were excellent additions. Showing the Wampa eating something with blood dripping from its face, within its lair, more of its approach to get Luke who has awoken. All very good adds and better than anything that was "enhanced" about the SE version of A New Hope.
2) Solo holding C-3PO's words shut is funny. The humor again in this film is understated, natural and comfortable.
3) The dialogue with Han and Leia talking about their feelings makes us imagine months of sexual tension in just a couple minutes.
Low
4) Again, why wouldn't the Empire hire aliens? Another set of white guys/a soon to be force-choked to death Admiral, dismiss a potential lead before Vader weighs in on the probability of Hoth being the site of the rebel base. This is a low here, whereas it is a more serious defect in the newer films because the creators of the original trilogy didn't advertise how multi-cultural they were going to be, how hip with the overall "orientation" of the cast they were going to be. If you tell people how outside of the box you're going to think, and the people paying attention discover you've only progressed to thinking inside of a larger box, who do you think you're fooling?
5) Vader kills Admiral someone or other because he came out of light speed too close to Hoth. A scene or two earlier, the rebels had already started the evacuation. The admiral's mistakes were cumulative. This is the straw that broke the camel's back.
High
6) Luke's scars from the Wampa attack. He is recovering sitting in some comfortable loose clothing hours after a giant, albino sasquatch clawed him across the face, and is now without a scrape. Either the medics the rebels have on their payroll are miracle workers, medicine has advanced to heal wounds more quickly, or Luke is part Wolverine (of X-Men fame). This only gets a high because of the benefit of the doubt, that Luke's dipping into the container of liquid, helped aid his face. This is only the third famous full immersion of a human into a vat of water. Letterman donned a suit adorned with thousands of Alka-Seltzer tablets, and I'm sure there is footage somewhere of Linda Carter or Farah Fawcett emerging from a dunk tank from Battle of the Network Stars in the late 70s or early 80s. Damn, this deplorable research. Guess I'll have to go look.
7) The Imperial Walkers . . . set down to conveniently march toward the trenches where the rebels happen to have set up their defense, are recognized through binoculars as Imperial Walkers- so the rebels are familiar, by name, with the armored beast marching toward them. But it takes the snow speeder pilots five minutes of attacking them to determine the armor is too strong and so change to harpoons and cables taking them by the legs. The Imperial Walkers are the Rob Gronkowskis of Star Wars. Only way this isn't an issue is if the soldiers in the trenches have no way of communicating with the pilots or all of the pilots have never seen the walkers. Both are unlikely.
High (for 7 and 8 combined)
8) Once the walkers are on the ground, the strong armor is pierced, causing a walker to explode, something that couldn't happen when they were operational. Again, if this was a thing, those in the trenches would need to aim for the head, or the speeders would have defeated the walkers by shooting them in the head. This is pretty clumsy thinking on the part of both the person who wrote the story and the scriptwriters, Lucas and two credited writers Brackett and Kasden. Three people in charge of the story fail to catch this. Sloppy.
9) Yoda! Yoda! Yoda! At least when Luke goes into his cave, we understand what the hell it means. I still don't get what we learned about Rey in hers in TLJ.
Medium (for wasting Boba Fett)
10) Boba Fett, one of 3 lines- "As you wish." Is the bounty hunter telling Darth Vader, he loves him, a la the farm boy from The Princess Bride?
Critical
11) Luke is on Dagobah training to be a Jedi-knight, who will go to confront Vader, the reason Obi-Wan and Yoda have been hiding out for twenty years with, at most, 2 days of training. So, Rian Johnson (TLJ writer and director) isn't the only one who can't manage the timing of how long it should take someone to hone their skills as a super hero.
12) Bespin approach. Another great add to this movie from the SE. It didn't work for me in Star Wars SE with Mos Eisley, but does here.
13) Yoda: "No, there is another." Did we ever learn who that was? Leia, Rey, Kylo Ren, someone we haven't met yet? Can we build a movie around this where we see Leia with force powers?
14) Han and Leia stayed an overnight on Bespin. It was dusk when they arrived; a new day is waking when Lando comes to escort the lovebirds to a meal. The point here is that if the storytellers could have used something like the long wait to get a part for the hyperdrive, some kind of creative montage showing a prolonged passage of time, Luke could have learned a lot more in a week of training than in a day, which would further establish his skill set, making him more capable of facing Vader.
Interlude: Google- "Empire Strikes Back and CinemaSins". If I had known this was a thing before starting to write these, I would have acknowledged it. I don't need someone else to break down a movie franchise I grew up watching. And most of the problems I had with the original trilogy occurred to me well before the internet existed. Course, there is the thing about the title of these Cinema Sins. I decided on "What's wrong with" while they/he (Corey Chichizola) went with "Everything Wrong With".
Since I see there is also a Star Wars, A New Hope, version, I'll have to check that out too. I'll get back to the ESB of Cinema Sins, to see how my list stacks up to his, at the end of my list.
Interlude: Google- "Empire Strikes Back and CinemaSins". If I had known this was a thing before starting to write these, I would have acknowledged it. I don't need someone else to break down a movie franchise I grew up watching. And most of the problems I had with the original trilogy occurred to me well before the internet existed. Course, there is the thing about the title of these Cinema Sins. I decided on "What's wrong with" while they/he (Corey Chichizola) went with "Everything Wrong With".
Since I see there is also a Star Wars, A New Hope, version, I'll have to check that out too. I'll get back to the ESB of Cinema Sins, to see how my list stacks up to his, at the end of my list.
Low
15) Bespin is short on jail cells. Putting Chewbacca, Leia and Han in the same cell is a no-no. Only reason you do it, is because this is a movie.
High
16) 6 storm troopers and 1 officer from the Empire are meant to guard one Wookie with a protocol droid on his back, a resourceful princess who isn't in handcuffs, and a smuggler, with his aid, whom Darth Vader shouldn't trust.
Low
17) More misses in hallways. Again, would it kill you to have Lobot shot and killed or Lando shot in the leg?
18) Where did Lando get a rifle?
19) Luke: "No, nooooo." Just like Vader when he's put in his black suit in ROTS. Luke's version isn't as horrible, but I'm still not a fan.
Low
20) Luke jump-falls to a too safe position considering how high up he is. If you could convince an audience that he, using his Jedi powers was able to fall in slow motion, that works, but given the oversight tradition in this franchise, I would bet against it.
21) Lando is frustrated that the hyperdrive hasn't been fixed, and about then is a line from Vader- "Did your men disable the hyperdrive on the Millennium Falcon?" These are the types of things that can stomp out the eye-rolling at the implausibility of the plot and story and laziness of the director, writers and creative team in certain areas. The creative team, writers and directors got so many things right in the whole franchise, particularly in this movie, that to quibble about relatively few perceived errors seems like complete nonsense. Sure, there are those out there whose time can't be wasted with a recount of these errors, whose passion and intensity is earmarked for other endeavors about which I wouldn't care.
Again, if Vader and Tarkin had spoken a couple of lines about having the Stormtroopers deliberately miss our band of heroes with all the shots fired in the halls of the Death Star, in Star Wars in order to have them escape so the Falcon could be tracked to the rebel base, that would make more sense.
Or if Han had said something in TFA about how eerily similar it was to cart around a droid with galaxy-sensitive plans, to have to contend with a near relation (Leia's father, and Han and Leia's son) dressed in black with a black helmet and a scary voice, and the desperate mission of destroying a planet killer that would have been a clever way to answer for the inconsistencies, redundancy, oversights and mistakes.
Or if Han had said something in TFA about how eerily similar it was to cart around a droid with galaxy-sensitive plans, to have to contend with a near relation (Leia's father, and Han and Leia's son) dressed in black with a black helmet and a scary voice, and the desperate mission of destroying a planet killer that would have been a clever way to answer for the inconsistencies, redundancy, oversights and mistakes.
Deleted scenes:
The best of the deleted scenes shows C-3PO removing a warning from a door where a wampa was captured. The Stormtroopers then open the door and one is grabbed by the wampa as other troopers and Darth Vader look on helplessly. Not including any of the deletes I saw, good call. The creatives, editors and Lucas would have said that including wampas crashing through ice walls slowed the pace of the movie. Apparently, that realization is exempted from occurring to them for all of the movies.
CinemaSins (CS):
Most of the 100+ sins aren't really "sins" and if they are, they're venial in nature, i.e. relatively slight and don't condemn one's soul to hell, not unless they're combined together- n, p, and s below might get the creatives sent to purgatory.
a) first 5 don't really count. When the filmmakers decide to only show you 1-2 day snippets of the military struggle between the empire and rebels, they, perhaps to their detriment, haven't shown a full-scale assault of the empire on a rebel base. The complaints about the walkers from my perspective are above and CS has also captured those issues.
b) #6 from their list is the happenstance of Luke seeing a probe land a couple thousand yards from him. Bothersome of course, considering it could have landed anywhere on the planet. CS #7 is more of an issue- when you have a character with traits that make him super-human (Jedi) it is a good idea to not have him abstain from using them, like sensing a gigantic beast in near proximity that is about to claw the hero in the face.
c) Stealing the look of the abomindable snowman = not a defect. And of the tens of thousands of alien creatures in the history of film, some are going to look like each other. Lucas admitted his Kaminoans were inspired by Speilberg's Close Encounters aliens. Dragging something still alive back to your cave and not killing it until later, given the frozen confines of the wampa's habitat is not a defect. I usually defrost the steak before consuming it. The wampa's treatment of Luke is different than the crazy tentacled creatures' treatment of Finn aboard the docking station when we first meet up with Han and Chewie in TFA; the latter is hunting for sport, the former for life.
d) Han refers to some adventure we don't have a context for . . . like the Kessel Run, or Jabba the Hutt, that we don't learn about for another 41 and 3 years respectively. Remember, they show us 1-2 days out of these character's lives every three years. And if Han is getting nervous about paying off a debt, that seems to be a normal human reaction to mounting pressure and increasing odds that more are looking for him.
e) is it a sin to have a human want to get out of the lair, in which he was almost ripped apart while still alive? The hypothermia sins I'm on board with, but maybe they're wearing a few more layers of under armour than we're aware of. At this point he's at 32 sins, only four of which are legitimate. Luke, submerged in a vat of liquid wearing tighty whities is not a sin.
f) We've been hearing about the whole Luke and Leia kissing/incest stuff for years. This is akin to Luke being on hand to see the probe land. It is improbable that two siblings in that big a universe, uniting without knowing about the other. In human history there have been some crazy things happen. I bet there have been two siblings who slept together without their knowing it. Not ideal.
g) It is a "sin" that Han shot 2nd, or that Chewie thought Leia and Luke kissing was noteworthy.
h) not sure the walkers would be slipping and sliding all over in snow and ice. Snow and ice are two different things. Considering how heavy the walkers are, and if it is only snow, they wouldn't be slipping.
i) like my list, the CS also has the note about harpoons, tow cables and the vulnerability of downed walkers.
j) Ku Klux Stormtrooper- not a defect. Why they are in all that costuming considering the suit does nothing to protect them, excepting the Snowtrooper suit may aid in some way against the cold.
k) Luke survives a crash. He's crashing in a lot of snow (not ice) and is wearing a seat belt. Luke gets through the blockade is a legitimate complaint and one I brought up in The Phantom Menace.
l) Vader doesn't think to force control the Falcon. It is Yoda's opinion that size doesn't matter. CS compares a stationary X-Wing 1/4 to 1/8 the size of the Falcon that is definitely on the move.
Intermission: of the 60 sins he's detailed, 4-5 are legitimate.
m) the hyperdrive isn't working. CS spends 3 sins on this, that the issue is understood initially, or eventually, are two different things, which anyone who has installed a water heater, or torn open a wall, not expecting to find the power supply to the whole house stored within it. Problems mutate and become more specifically understood after investigation.
Severe
n) Luke kept the name "Skywalker" and was supposed to be hidden from his father with the same surname. This is a serious defect and one I had overlooked.
o) Yoda is challenging Luke.
Medium
p) a giant creature lives in the middle of space with a lack of food. It is the big foot of this galaxy.
q) maybe Yoda has misgivings, the same concerns he had when Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan got to train Luke's father, when the whole Jedi council was against it.
r) I think Luke is figuring out what is going on with the symbolism of him seeing his own face in Vader's mask.
r) Why wouldn't Obi-Wan and Yoda have told Luke about his father? Humans are complicated and unpredictable; apparently, so are force ghosts and whatever the hell Yoda is.
High
s) Han doesn't wait a few minutes to continue to float off with the rest of the junk, which is an inconsistent handling of the situation, as he had been so patient sitting on the trunk of a Star Destroyer. The Falcon doesn't detect Boba Fett and Slave I right behind them. Apparently the hyperdrive isn't the only thing that isn't functioning on the Falcon.
t) Luke may have needed to go to Dagobah because Obi-Wan failed in his attempt to train a Skywalker to become a Jedi.
u) Vader can rip things from walls and send those objects violently through mid air. CS is right, he could have done more of that. However, I'm not sure that the combatants are always in rooms in which there are things to hurl. I'd already expressed my wonder at why Vader couldn't have acquired the plans to destroy the Death Star in Rogue One via essentially the same means.
Most of the 100+ sins aren't really "sins" and if they are, they're venial in nature, i.e. relatively slight and don't condemn one's soul to hell, not unless they're combined together- n, p, and s below might get the creatives sent to purgatory.
a) first 5 don't really count. When the filmmakers decide to only show you 1-2 day snippets of the military struggle between the empire and rebels, they, perhaps to their detriment, haven't shown a full-scale assault of the empire on a rebel base. The complaints about the walkers from my perspective are above and CS has also captured those issues.
b) #6 from their list is the happenstance of Luke seeing a probe land a couple thousand yards from him. Bothersome of course, considering it could have landed anywhere on the planet. CS #7 is more of an issue- when you have a character with traits that make him super-human (Jedi) it is a good idea to not have him abstain from using them, like sensing a gigantic beast in near proximity that is about to claw the hero in the face.
c) Stealing the look of the abomindable snowman = not a defect. And of the tens of thousands of alien creatures in the history of film, some are going to look like each other. Lucas admitted his Kaminoans were inspired by Speilberg's Close Encounters aliens. Dragging something still alive back to your cave and not killing it until later, given the frozen confines of the wampa's habitat is not a defect. I usually defrost the steak before consuming it. The wampa's treatment of Luke is different than the crazy tentacled creatures' treatment of Finn aboard the docking station when we first meet up with Han and Chewie in TFA; the latter is hunting for sport, the former for life.
d) Han refers to some adventure we don't have a context for . . . like the Kessel Run, or Jabba the Hutt, that we don't learn about for another 41 and 3 years respectively. Remember, they show us 1-2 days out of these character's lives every three years. And if Han is getting nervous about paying off a debt, that seems to be a normal human reaction to mounting pressure and increasing odds that more are looking for him.
e) is it a sin to have a human want to get out of the lair, in which he was almost ripped apart while still alive? The hypothermia sins I'm on board with, but maybe they're wearing a few more layers of under armour than we're aware of. At this point he's at 32 sins, only four of which are legitimate. Luke, submerged in a vat of liquid wearing tighty whities is not a sin.
f) We've been hearing about the whole Luke and Leia kissing/incest stuff for years. This is akin to Luke being on hand to see the probe land. It is improbable that two siblings in that big a universe, uniting without knowing about the other. In human history there have been some crazy things happen. I bet there have been two siblings who slept together without their knowing it. Not ideal.
g) It is a "sin" that Han shot 2nd, or that Chewie thought Leia and Luke kissing was noteworthy.
h) not sure the walkers would be slipping and sliding all over in snow and ice. Snow and ice are two different things. Considering how heavy the walkers are, and if it is only snow, they wouldn't be slipping.
i) like my list, the CS also has the note about harpoons, tow cables and the vulnerability of downed walkers.
j) Ku Klux Stormtrooper- not a defect. Why they are in all that costuming considering the suit does nothing to protect them, excepting the Snowtrooper suit may aid in some way against the cold.
k) Luke survives a crash. He's crashing in a lot of snow (not ice) and is wearing a seat belt. Luke gets through the blockade is a legitimate complaint and one I brought up in The Phantom Menace.
l) Vader doesn't think to force control the Falcon. It is Yoda's opinion that size doesn't matter. CS compares a stationary X-Wing 1/4 to 1/8 the size of the Falcon that is definitely on the move.
Intermission: of the 60 sins he's detailed, 4-5 are legitimate.
m) the hyperdrive isn't working. CS spends 3 sins on this, that the issue is understood initially, or eventually, are two different things, which anyone who has installed a water heater, or torn open a wall, not expecting to find the power supply to the whole house stored within it. Problems mutate and become more specifically understood after investigation.
Severe
n) Luke kept the name "Skywalker" and was supposed to be hidden from his father with the same surname. This is a serious defect and one I had overlooked.
o) Yoda is challenging Luke.
Medium
p) a giant creature lives in the middle of space with a lack of food. It is the big foot of this galaxy.
q) maybe Yoda has misgivings, the same concerns he had when Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan got to train Luke's father, when the whole Jedi council was against it.
r) I think Luke is figuring out what is going on with the symbolism of him seeing his own face in Vader's mask.
r) Why wouldn't Obi-Wan and Yoda have told Luke about his father? Humans are complicated and unpredictable; apparently, so are force ghosts and whatever the hell Yoda is.
High
s) Han doesn't wait a few minutes to continue to float off with the rest of the junk, which is an inconsistent handling of the situation, as he had been so patient sitting on the trunk of a Star Destroyer. The Falcon doesn't detect Boba Fett and Slave I right behind them. Apparently the hyperdrive isn't the only thing that isn't functioning on the Falcon.
t) Luke may have needed to go to Dagobah because Obi-Wan failed in his attempt to train a Skywalker to become a Jedi.
u) Vader can rip things from walls and send those objects violently through mid air. CS is right, he could have done more of that. However, I'm not sure that the combatants are always in rooms in which there are things to hurl. I'd already expressed my wonder at why Vader couldn't have acquired the plans to destroy the Death Star in Rogue One via essentially the same means.
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